Funny Side of Things

Laughter is the best medicine for a heavy heart. Please help yourself

Kelas Komputor, Telur Bungus, Lamp Chop,Any inconveniences is highly appreciated - seen by Amir

Mee Bangdung - seen by Marini

Hair Rebounding, Complimentari Give For You, Marry Christmas - seen by Moon

Of course all these will be much more hilarious with pictures.
Laugh, laugh laugh all you can, while you still can.

When You Have No Heart

When you have no heart, you tend to do horrible things like:

a) Holding up a baby's food money for the week just because you are mad at the parents
b) Avoiding your own sister because you know she's in deep shit and would probably ask for your help
c) Avoiding anybody whom you THINK is in deep shit because they would probably ask for your help and you do not want to look bad for not helping
d) Ignoring calls by a friend because you do not want to have to answer her many queries
e) Doing all the above but still think you are an angel

My prayers are all for you...

Taking Time Off...

I am taking time off from participating in any familial activities (my side of the family) to prevent anymore heartaches. Hahhaah Why so dramatic eh? Well as Hallmark says time and again, "in life there is drama".

Maybe this is the best for now. My sister in law asked me how long would the hiatus take, and my answer to her was "tak lama la, cuma sampai Ilham 5 tahun je".

It might or might not take that long. They say time heals all wounds. I am not sure if this wound would heal at all.

Anyways, Selamat Hari Raya Korban. I am celebrating this auspicious day in JB. No, they will not miss me.

The Star Player

As with other parents, we love to take pictures of our little man. Between us, we've actually taken 166 pictures of him (excluding some which are still in my phone). These are my personal favourite...



With Auntie Su..In this picture he looks more like me (atau adakah aku perasan?)




The sleeping, thinking boy




Why do you have to wake me up mama?




Bedong was so outdated for a boy like me...



I see the light! Just arrived in Bagan Lalang from Wangsa Maju




Two days old..First time in mama's arms.

Still A Long Journey

I'm taking a detour, a longer route but to the same destination as before. I'm not happy at all with the arrangement but this is what we have to endure until we have build up a strong team with one common goal.

Lend us your prayers.

Sumpah Aku Pernah Kurus

Sekarang nak kurus balik. Dulu banyak masa untuk ke gym, tanggungjawab hanya pada diri sendiri, sekarang cerita sudah bertambah baik. So kena carik cara lain untuk kurus dan mengekalkan kesejahteraan badan. Es0k pergi brisk walking kot. Erm KOT?

Our First Anniversary

It was actually yesterday. I woke up at about 4.30 am to feed Ilham and there it was a hand made card from Amir. hehe sweet eh? It's been a year and we still have a long way to go.

Kerja Kerajaan Selamat

I had the privilege of making acquaintance with an old makcik today. Five minutes into the conversation I knew that she has three children, her husband passed on a year ago on the 15 of Ramadhan, that she never worked before even when she was an anak dara, that her daughter in law just gave birth to a baby girl on the 31st of August and that she made sure all her children 'kerja kerajaan' or marry someone who 'kerja kerajaan' because 'kerja kerajaan selamat sebab ada pencen'.

Now, I was previously 'kerja kerajaan' (semi-government actually but yeah the mentality and the works all scream 'kerajaan') but never, ever felt safe. Was it just a feeling? But then if it's safe, why is the aforementioned makcik has to work now (she's 56) when she has never worked before?

I've got nothing against employment, but can we stop thinking that other people (in this case the employer) is responsible with our life? Macam tak best je pikir camtu eh?

I Love Reading

I am reading to Ilham not just chidlren's books but also anything and everything I can get my hands on. Magazines, novels and motivational books that are lying around the house, whilst Amir will turn on the many audiobooks he stored in the laptop whenever he can. I don't know if this is the correct way but I do hope this practice will instill a love for reading in the boy. I tend to baby talk with him, that's why I counter that with reading books heheh. Nanti anak aku cakap pelat plak.

By the way, Ilham calls for 'Mek' when he cries. Aku dok ajar dia sebut 'Mama' dan 'Ayah', dia boleh sebut 'Mek'.

Our Perfect Inspiration

Most of you have seen him or pictures of him. Sara and Taza..this is mainly for your viewing hehehe. Ilham pre and post shaving...

Tak Bleh Tunggu

I can't wait to go out again and see the world..and pick fights with the world, and win and lose and make peace with the world and be oblivious of the world and curse the world and sing praises to the world and stare in absolute amazement to the world's many miracles and stupidities.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!

Tak Tahan Menanggung

AKU NAK KELUAR DARI SINI...AKU DAH TAK TAHAN...KENAPA MESTI TUNGGU 40 HARI???? HA??? KENAPA???

I Am Clueless

We welcome Muhammad Ilham on 20092008 at 8.25am. Words just can't describe our feelings. Mothers out there, you know what I'm talking about.

But then I can't help but feeling helpless sometimes. Ilham is obviously a cryer, if there's such a term. Amir says to enjoy every moment with him and I am. Just sometimes I wonder what he really wants heheh.

Anyway no worries, this mother thing is so new that there's always room for improvement. One thing for sure, I'm going to give the very best to my baby boy.

To Ilham, years to come when you read this, don't get mama wr0ng.. I l0ve y0u with all my heart and my life. H0w can I n0t l0ve y0u especially when y0u make that 'muka tak bersalah' 0f y0urs..heheh..MUAHHHHHHH

Just A Few More Days

Do pray for us.

Fixing Me...

A wise man keeps telling me that I should not look for how good a bitching one can do when looking for friends. A circle of friends should encourage, motivate and inspire each other to do good. Bitching about other bitches or your spouses, bosses, the neighbours and their cats, those sorry bastards of men, or the government will not do.

Of which almost everybody know it won’t. But we still keep at it. Because is so finger licking good! It makes us feel like we are the gods and the goddesses who are perfect in every way and that those that we bitched are mere mortal who are way below our stations.

It all boils down to instant gratification. Talking bad about someone feels good on the surface but it still does not solve anything. The problem lingers. And when I look in the mirror the problem is staring back at me, puffy eyed and all. (dan aku perasan orang yg mcm baik2 ni yg suka buat kerja ni, yg ala2 pompuan melayu terakhir- aku cakap pasal aku tu muahahaha)

It has existed as long as I remember. And it will take a very long time to fix. But I do want to fix it. I know it’s fixable. I’ll start by thinking good things about others.

Jom sama-sama!

Ha yang ni memang cannot be fixed…

Flu Clue

Belasah je tajuk tu. Dah dekat-dekat ni dapat lelehen hingusan dan kehangatan muka pulak. Dugaan betul. Dugaan juga sebab tak dapat puasa seperti yang dicita-citakan. Cabaran untuk menggantinya pula.

Pergi ke Tangkak untuk bertemu kawan Hajah yang meriah orangnya. Singgah rumah sepupu Amir yang tak kurang meriah juga. Alhamdulillah dapat makan yang sangat meriah bersama-sama anak buah yang sama usia dengan kami. Heheh..Ada cucu dah aku..sorang cucu menegur 'kebesaran" perut aku. 'Eh eh besarnya" dengan mata bulat. Hahaha kelakar. Umur baru 5-6 tahun kot.

Meriah memang meriah.

Sekarang sedang aktif mencari rendang, ketupat, lemang, lontong. Pendek kata makanan masa Raya. Nak pulun siap-siap.

Selamat, selamat semuanya...

The Blue View

The sight of a thick book excites me. For me the thicker the better. It means there are a lot more words I need to learn and digest. Yes, people are entitled to several weirdness in their life. This is one of mine.

At the moment I'm reading Sherlock Holmes, the complete stories. I got goose bumps just thinking about it hahahah. Hope I will be able to finish it before I go into labour, which is at the end of the month. Still got time kan?

I wish I have these blue people's creativities...

Ramadhan Moon..I Welcome You With Open Arms

I love this month of inner peace and reflection. I'm not sure whether I can really fast during this month but I'll definitely try. I'm sure it will not jeopardise the baby if I do.

Happy Ramadhan to all my fellow Muslims. Let's double our efforts to be a better person and to seek a better life for ourselves and our families. Please don't use the blessed month as an excuse to slacken the pace. We're much better than that, aren't we?





Ramadan Moon

Oh the people are coming and going
Getting ready to-ing and fro-ing
There's a buzz in the world tonight
People are so excited
Daddy's coming home soon
Hoping to see the moon
Hoping to catch a sight
Everyone's so happy

Moon, moon, come out soon
We're out to see the Ramadan moon
Clouds shift, fog lift
City put out your lights
We want to see the Ramadan moon - tonight

Now Ramadan has started
And the moon has been just sighted
Tomorrow we all fast
Every Muslim must
Now Esha time is here
And it's time to leave for prayer
The Imam is in the Mosque
The Quran is in his heart

From the early break of dawn
We'll go the whole day long
Shops are full of dates
But still we have to wait
Till the sun goes down
And it's time to break our siyyam
The food is on the plate
Ooh! It tastes so good

Now Grandad in i'tiqaf
Only ten days are left
He's praying every night
Dressed all in white
Hands held high
With tears in his eyes
Asking for forgiveness
And Paradise

Now it's time again for Eid
Ramadan ran with speed
Will it come again?
Like an old friend?

Ramadan Moon

Simpan sahaja dendam itu, sahabat lepat...

Prasangka dan salah sangka. Buatkan sesetengah orang gembira.

Kalau dah rasa diri sendiri saja yang benar, tak guna bercampur gaul dengan orang lain kerana orang lain semua kurang bagus.

Erm..minggu ni ada 3 kali rasa nak smackdown orang yang diam-diam ubi rupanya menyimpan dendam tak sudah. Buat selingan hiburan sendiri aje ini orang.

Anwar dah boleh jadi PM ke? Eh minyak dah turun eh? Hahhah..harga barang-barang pun turun gak ke? Gaji naik 200%??? Kita kayo!! Hoi kayu! Kau buta kayu!

The Things You Want To Do Before You Hit The Bucket..

Carter Chambers and Edward Cole managed to do the things listed in their Bucket List before cancer claimed their lives. I watched this movie twice and there might be a third, fourth, fifth and so on. Do we still have time?


The movie is highly recommended, especially to those who feel life has nothing more to offer them..Listen, learn and follow...





Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaaay...

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead

If you could only
Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to saaay...

Have no fear
For giving in
Have no fear
For giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open... wide...

Say what you need to say (x7)
Say what you need to
Say what you need to
Say what you need to say..

If You're Happy And You Know It...

Are you happy? Hehhehe. All the best to you.

We Were Bangsarians

For the past week I've been receiving updates from my Sekolah Menengah Bangsar mates. I only spent three years there, but I've known most of them since my primary years.

Let me tell you something about me back then. I wasn't popular, but people know me because I was this ridiculously strict Head Prefect. I'm not proud of myself back then. I thought being 'garang' was a good way to earn respect. Well it was not the way and it is still not the way.

So by virtue of being a Head Prefect who was trying too hard, many of the mates know me. Me being me, (I have difficulty in remembering names and faces), can't recognise many of them now. But I'm elated that these friends are so ever ready to welcome me back into their fold.

I left the school after From 3, and when there's a gathering of some sort, I always feel I don't belong. I wasn't friendly to start with, and leaving the school after three years didn't help either. Because of that, I feel the need to start over, getting reacquainted with these childhood friends.

I may not have many memories to reminisce with all of them, but I do hope that they are willing to forge new ones, despite our busy schedules, so that we can reminisce them with our generation in the years to come.

For these special friends, I thank you.


p/s After seeing this photo, Amir asked this "Kenapa you mcm tak suka life?". It was scorching hot la..that's why I made that face.

Bagan The Lalang

After many moons, we visited mak and ayah at Bagan Lalang on Tuesday. After the Nilai toll, I could see many new buildings, in various phases of developments, which bodes well for the little town (pretty soon it won't be little anymore).

When we reached Sungai Pelek, I was actually amazed to see a KFC outlet there, hehhee. Wohooo, finally Sungai Pelek is not so 'pelek' anymore. We have more shops and buildings there, we even have a slimming centre, for folks who are concern about their bulging bellies and enormous thighs.

IdaMan (the name ayah gave to the house) looks different too. This is to be expected for he is a man with so many ideas and who can't sit still even for a second. When we arrived he was soaked with sweat since he had been working the porch since morning. It's a great relief to see my parents' faces, all healthy and well. (Did you know that looking at your parents' faces grants you a pahala? I only know about this recently.)

We had a wonderful lunch together, though eating only simple dish of sambal ikan, sup sawi, tempoyak, timun and kerang rebus. Mom's cooking is always number one! Hehhe..the good taste lingers even after hours you ate.

I'll be spending my confinement period in Bagan Lalang, hope that mak will not be so strict on the food. Otherwise, matilah aku!

I Feel Fine

Friends wonder how I can be so active close to my delivery period. I can still run around from morning till late night, without feeling too exhausted. All I can say is, I feel fine. The baby's fine and actively kicking most of the time. I eat like nobody's business. I can proudly say I am no longer 'allergic' to milk. Now I can take milk (with no flavour), but of course only the HL brand.
Alhamdulillah, I am bestowed with this energy.

One factor I can say contribute to this active energy is the aromatherapy product that I am using. I have been using it for the past year and I do feel great. I put it on every day, without fail. Apart from making me more energetic, the house, the car and the office (oppss no more office) smell extra nice.

The most important thing, in my opinion, is not to give excuses to your self. Your mind is a powerful tool. If you think you are weak, then weak you are. Likewise, when you think nothing can stop you from conquering the world (okay you can be more realistic and specific than this), then conquer the world you will.

Don't waste your thoughts on 'kalau tak boleh?...". Think about 'Memang boleh' and everything will come into place. Try it. No I say, try it, NOT analyse it. We've done to much analysing anyway but that hasn't bring us any closer to what we want kan? So, another approach is JUST DO IT.

Ever wonder why Nike is the most recognised brand in the world?

Paham-paham sudahlah

La la la
Ha…pening kepala…
Memikirkan tak ada kerja..
Dalam anggun pilu ditohmah
Ah gantung dirimu saja

Ooo, lega rasanya….
Jadi kerja pegawai pemasaran..
Di Pertama…
Rupa oh rupa2 nya…
Kerjaan saja…

*La la la
Hari hari kerja..
La la la
Bosan dengan kerja
La la la
Hidup harus kerja…kerja…

Ahhhh..terpinga-pinga…
Tak puas lagi beradu…mengantuk~…
Subuh hingga senja…
Hari hari sama saja…

Ahh..nak bancuh kopi..
Tapi gulanya tak ada…
Minum saja…
Kerja bagai nak gila..
Sama sahaja…

Gelisah..ku gelisah..
Mengenangkan masa depan…
Ku harus kerja..
Ohhh mesti kerja..
Tiada ada apa yg percuma…
Jika tiada kerja..
Ohhh, papa kedana…

Happy Making Other People Rich...

Makan Besar Untuk Tambah Besar

Weekend was eventful. Ada farewell dinner yang menyaksikan mak buyung number one menari poco-poco hahahah. Pastu hari Ahad ada plak pi karaoke, melepaskan perasaan dengan mensumbangkan lagu-lagu rock kapak, oldies and evergreen. Sambil menikmati muffin air tangan kawan lama yang baru ketemu.

Yang paling best adalah penutup pada malam Ahad tu apabila setelah bersusah payah mengemas meja di ofis (banyak lagi yang tak dikemas), adalah late dinner dengan Encik Rosdi, kawan lama yang amat lama tak bertemu, yang ketika itu dan mungkin ketika blog ini ditulis dalam keadaan kurang sihat dan kurang gembira. Best sebab akhirnya dapat jumpa orangnya setelah berbulan-bulan dan juga sebab dia ada bake cake chocolate yang antara ramuannya adalah whipped cream instead of fresh milk. Kudos to Milo kerana cadangan bernas itu.

So lengkaplah hujung minggu saya dengan makanan yang amat tinggi kalorinya, durian, vanilla blueberry and chocolate muffins, chocolate cake, marble cake, grilled chicken, ayam rendang, daging kicap, nasi tambah, soto ayam, roti jala, caramel pudding, teh tarik.

Ramai kawan menggalakkan saya makan selagi boleh, tak perlu pantang-pantang memandangkan semasa orang ramai bersukaria makan semasa Hari Raya sehinggakan lupa anak, isteri, suami dan dunia, saya perlu mendisplinkan diri makan ikan masak pindang hari-hari. Pengorbanan yang perlu dilakukan. Kecil sangat pun.

Sekarang kepala ada pening-pening. Overdose on high cal food la tu.

Happiness is in our hands...

Six months after marrying John C.Maxwell, Margaret Maxwell knew that her husband wasn’t going to make her happy. She found out that the only person that could make her happy was herself and that her husband can add immeasurably to that.

That got me into thinking. When we put our happiness in someone else’s hands, instead of taking full control of it, we will definitely be frustrated. Happiness is individual, what makes me happy, doesn’t necessarily make others happy.

When we depend on others to give us happiness, and we don’t feel happy, the blaming game starts. Trust me. I have first hand experience in this. Instead of working out to find that happiness together, I blame him for not doubling the effort to MAKE SURE I am happy. How can I be so profoundly dumb? He has set a big picture for us, all I need to do is to trust him and work with him to make that our reality.

I know I’m not the only person who thinks that my happiness is determined to whom I marry or associate myself with. I seriously think that it’s high time that we change that thought and decide that happiness is in our own hands. And let’s go from there. Let's work with your spouses to find your happiness together.

It’s not too late. It’s never to late to strive for the better. Don’t tell yourself you’re too old for this, or too set in your ways or too deep in shit. Have faith and have confidence in yourself.

“The mind is an enormously powerful machine; it has a remarkable capacity to convince us of whatever we want to believe.” – Erik Weihenmayer, the world’s leading blind athlete and the only blind person in history to reach the world’s seven summits.

BE ALIVE!

While eating lunch at Kakak Cantik’s stall, we were entertained by songs played on the radio. Over the course of the simple meal that we had, we listened to three old Malay singers crooning about three things 'meradang, 'merayu' and merajuk'. The first one is full of advice for those who is short tempered.

I bet if we stayed longer I’ll run amok and told Amir not to beg me to cool down or else I’ll run into a corner and sulk. It’s that all we’re capable of? Meradang, merayu, merajuk? Maybe these are the 3Ms the government had wanted to instil in us when we were innocent children kot?

Through what little experience I have in this challenging business, I’ve met people with those so called traits. I was once like them, so there’s empathy there, which make it easier for me to break their thick heads. So, layankan aje.

Learning never stops. For those who have stopped learning, life has nothing else to offer them, and when things don’t go their way they meradang, merayu or merajuk. Or all three. I know it is frustrating but if we don’t learn from all the challenges that life has thrown before us, what’s the point living? I’m no expert but as I said what little experience I have, I try to draw lessons from it for others and myself.

We should never stop learning. We should never put out that fire. We should never shut ourselves off from reality. We should always see ourselves as coming out victorious from the overwhelming tribulations in our lives. We should continue living as passionate people demanding more and more out of life. We should never, ever give up.

Reaksi Terhadap Situasi

Pemerhatian yang dilakukan dalam masa beberapa hari ini:

Kita selalu rasa masalah kita paling berat, kita yang paling susah, tapi kalau kita tak terlalu taksub dengan masalah sendiri, mungkin kita diberikan peluang untuk mengenali mereka yang lebih susah daripada kita. Itu yang dipelajari dalam masa hanya beberapa hari ini. Perasaan yang hidup sendiri terlalu susah, tapi sebenarnya ada yang jauh lebih sukar hidupnya. Insaf…

Susah sebab kereta/rumah tak dapat dibayar selama 3 bulan, ada orang kereta dah ditarik, rumah hampir setahun tak berbayar.

Susah sebab tak dapat makan sedap, cuma mee goreng dengan teh o aja, ada orang makan bubur kosong dengan bawang hari-hari.

Susah sebab duit yang ada ngam2 untuk minyak pergi balik, ada orang duit untuk minyak pun dah tak der langsung dah.

Susah sebab keluarga yang ada tak berapa nak bagi sokongan, ada orang sampai dihalau oleh keluarga sendiri sebab tak berduit.

Susah sebab hanya dapat beli baju dua helai aja kat Giant, ada orang beli 2 helai baju bundle berharga RM5 di pasar malam untuk bulan ini.

Susah sebab tak dapat bayar duit parking, orang lain ada yang satu teh tarik kongsi dua orang.

Susah sebab dalam ASB ada RM100 aje, orang lain tinggal RM1.

Apa yang diperhatikan sekeliling, pengalaman rakan-rakan ini, kalau susah, orang-orang terdekat akan cabut lari terlebih dahulu, sebab tak nak disusahkan oleh manusia yang susah ini. Tapi itulah sifat orang-orang kan? Orang-orang mana ada hati atau jantung atau perasaan. Hidupnya mati.

Pendapat penulis, manusia itu lebih mulia tarafnya kerana walaupun dalam keadaan yang rumit, mereka masih berkehendak dan berusaha untuk membebaskan diri daripada belenggu kesulitan itu. Orang-orang? Duk keras dengan harapan dapat menakutkan burung-burung daripada memakan padi tuannya.



A... o...
Biskut rendam kopi o...A... o...
Jangan kecoh
Naik bukit kasi pelan pelan kayuh
Baru ngam ho
Orang panggil hero
Lu hebat ada hebat lagi
Lu ligat adaligat lagi
Boleh untung mesti boleh rugi
Takut kalah jangan main judiA...
a...A... o...
Biskut rendam kopi oA... o...
Jangan kecoh
Naik bukit kasi pelan pelan kayuh
Baru ngam ho orang panggil hero
Lu kaya ada kaya lagi
Lu lawa ada lawa lagi
Ada mawar mesti ada duri
Takut sakit baik pergi mati


p/s tengah baca Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do

One Day At A Time...

Our trusted car broke down last week and had to spend a night at the workshop. That’s it no more Korean cars, said Amir. It has travelled as far as it could go and has served a wonderful time. I think it can go on for a year or two more, before we buy a new one.

I drove it back home from the workshop, after many months being the passenger. It felt good to do that, at least I know I still have the skill of driving dangerously, as dangerous as driving a cute little Atos can getla. Driving a manual car gives you a certain degree of authority, albeit a false one. So don’t fret when you see a woman or a man drives a small little kancil or kenari or even Atos like he/she is the only driver on the road, because now you understand his/her need to feel powerful.

Some people abuse the road to feel it, some abuse their woman or man or children and some abuse their positions. All that to satisfy what can’t be satisfied, the greed for power. We’re so caught up in this power play, in this ‘ketuanan Melayu, ketuanan rakyat’ thing, that we forget about one important thing, self-empowerment (driving like madmen and madwomen is not empowering at all).

We don’t empower ourselves dedicating our lives to destroying other people’s lives, it’s the total opposite of that. I know many of us are not so familiar with that practice because ‘tikam belakang’ is the only way they know to survive no thanks to the corruptors of power. Let’s do it one day at a time, let’s be a better person by extending a helping hand, one hand at a time. Shall we?

Mudah, Mudahan-mudahan...

Dear Friends,

Please do not take this for a junk letter. Bill Gates is sharing his fortune. If you ignore this you will repent later. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail beta test. When you forward this e-mail to friends, Microsoft can and will track it (if you are a Microsoft Windows user) for a two week time period. For every person that you forward this e-mail to, Microsoft will pay you $245.00, for every person that you sent it to that forwards it on, Microsoft will pay you $243.00 and for every third person that receives it, you will be paid $241.00. Within two weeks!, Microsoft will contact you for your address and then send you a cheque.


Mesti ada yang dapat e-mel seperti di atas kan? Goyah tak? Mesti goyah, sebab dalam keadaan sekarang dapat RM645 pun manusia yang kononnya penuh dengan adat ketimuran pun boleh bertukar jadi jenis yang macam tak ada tamadun aka manusia zaman batu, ini kan pula yang banyak giler seperti di atas. Ada seorang manusia dakwa dia dah dapat RM16k+++. Fuyohhh banyak giler babi pink kaler.

Ada yang kata, memang boleh dapat duit tu, memang ada yang dapat pun. Kalau ada bagus, lepaslah bayar instalment rumah atau kereta untuk beberapa bulan. Kalau rumah dan kereta dah habis bayar, bolehlah guna untuk tujuan lain pulak. Eee seronoknya.

Esok lusa dah habis duit, bolehlah forwardkan lagi banyak-banyak. Fuhhh senang..tak payah berusaha keras-keras. Agak-agak dah tingal 5k lam account tu, forward lagi pada 500 orang. Boleh lah dapat untuk down payment untuk Fairlady plak. Wuhhuuu…


Bill Gates best kan? Macam tulah sepatutnya, orang yang dah kaya raya WAJIBLAH tolong sogokkan duit untuk orang-orang miskin. Baru ada balance. Yelah orang-orang tu dahlah miskin, takan nak suruh orang-orang tu kerja kuat macam Bill Gates mula-mula dulu. Gila hapa? Orang-orang mana leh kerja, orang-orang duk keras tengah sawah. Pantang mak nenk orang-orang perlu berusaha.


P/s Tengah baca Success is Never Ending Failure is Never Final

Wish You All The Best Things...

I know I’ve been blessed, with lots of wonderful friendships. Friends have taught me a thing or two of what to do and what not to do to function well in this mostly dysfunctional environment of a society. For that I am very much grateful.

Reading about the four types of people outlined by John C.Maxwell in ‘The 21 Indispensable Qualities of A Leader’, I can proudly say that I’ve met and know the four types. They are:

Cop-outs: those who have no goals and do not commit.

Holdouts: those who don’t know if they can reach their goals, therefore they’re afraid to commit.

Dropouts: those who start toward a goal but quit when the going gets tough.

All-outs: those who set goals, commit them, and pay the price to reach them.


I’ve been the first three and now working my way to be the fourth. I’ve taken the first step, which counts for everything. Are you with me?





Hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything...
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but you never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And always give more than you take.But more than anything, yeah, more than anything...

Pass It On...

The ‘Baby/Princess/Babe On Board’ sticker is NOT the ticket for any of you to drive like madman running loose on the road. Why you must think that OTHER PEOPLE MUST take extra caution FOR YOUR BABY/PRINCESS/BABE’S sake is beyond me. I know you are not as stupid as you look, so why insult your own intelligence by acting like one?
Karma is a sure a thing, as many of you will attest, so if you don’t want people to shit in your yard, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT pass motion on other people’s yard.

And another thing, if you do not wish to live anymore after the petrol hike, please kill yourself where only YOU will die. In other words, DON’T engineer any kind of accidents on the road and drag other people with you. Some of us still have many things to achieve in life. You can always stick a Rambo knife into your heart or use it to cut your wrists.

For those few, who read this blog, please pass this on. Your cooperation is highly appreciated.

P/s no time is perfect than now to replace our old thinking with a new one…

Money, Money and More Money...

Money IS NOT the root of all evil. I think we know what or rather who is the root of evil. Many of us try to defend the notion that money is not everything, that there are more important things than money. Well, you might want to rethink that thought, especially now.

Everything that is important to us needs money. Our family, our health, our children’s education, even the job we faithfully goes to needs tons of money, you know the parking, the petrol, the breakfasts and lunches, the toll, the clothes we put on, the many shoes, the accessories. So tell me, who doesn’t need extra money now? Thought so.

The leaders want us to ‘change’ our lifestyle. I think we all know what ‘change’ means la kan. They actually want us to ‘downgrade’. Instead of driving a comfortable car, they want us to ride a motorbike, instead of eating the finest foods, they want us to settle for Maggie mee and air suam, instead of aiming to buy a bigger house, they want us to look for a 3 bedroom bird’s house. So for many of us who has no car but a bike, live in flats (don’t get me wrong, I used to live in one, my grandmother and many of my relatives live in one), eat Maggie mee and drink air suam the last two weeks before pay day, how much downgrade can they do? Tak ke mcm bodoh statement konon-konon ‘leaders’ tu?

Kiyosaki and Trump have stated their book “Why We Want You To Be Rich” that in America, the middle class is disappearing leaving only the poor and the rich. Well, when America sneezes, the whole world (altogether now) CATCHES COLD. That’s right, things are not as rosy as it used to be.

So what are we going to do now? Follow the so-called ‘leaders’ advice and change our already pathetic lifestyle? Go with the flow and hope that someone will throw us a lifeline? Or take matters into our own hands? Our life, our choice, right? RIGHT!

Not Ungrateful...

I am not an ungrateful *toot*. For all the sufferings I’ve endured here, I’ve learnt so much and experienced many sweet memories that I’ll treasure for the rest of my life. As much as I hate the place, I am thankful for the lessons it has provided me.

I am thankful for:

The friendships
The knowledge
The invaluable insights to life
The trusts
The respects
The admirations
The treasure hunts
The bowling tournaments
The annual dinners
The teh tarik sessions
The sports carnivals
The netball practices and games
The chocolate cakes
The genuinely funny jokes
The concerns when I was sick
The commissions

It’s not a waste after all.

Rindu...

Antara perkara yang akan dirindui:

1. Jenaka dan kata-kata berunsur lucah yang dipertuturkan oleh lelaki dan wanita pertengahan umur.

2. Suara-suara lelaki dan perempuan bersembang-sembang di surau sambil mengisi masa menunggu masuk waktu solat yang lain.

3. Nada dering, tahap 7 yang pelbagai jenis semasa orang lain menunaikan solat di surau.

4. Suara-suara orang lelaki dan perempuan yang menjawab telefon semasa orang lain sedang menunaikan solat fardhu, lengkap dengan hilai ketawa.

5. Makanan di kafe yang cepat habis walaupun jam baru menunjukkan pukul 12.55 tengah hari.

6. Jelingan tajam dan sikap endah tak endah tukang masak yang seolah-olah benci melihat aku.

7. Jamuan makan.

8. Perilaku petugas lain semasa jamuan makan, bagaimana mereka akan menyerang makanan hebat seperti sate.

9. Sindiran-sindiran tajam petugas unit lain yang marah kerana suratkhabar mereka hilang dan menuduh petugas unit lain merompaknya. (ye, suratkhabar)

10. Kemesraan para pengawal yang suka berdiri di belakang ketika kita sedang duduk menyempurnakan tugas di meja.

11. Mesyuarat selama 2 jam setengah untuk memberitahu petugas supaya menyiapkan kerja yang diberikan DENGAN KADAR SEGERA.

12. Menjawab soalan yang sama daripada orang yang sama berulang-ulang kali.

13. Menengking orang yang sama yang bertanya soalan yang sama berulang-ulang kali.

14. Mengajar seorang petugas bagaimana menyimpan nombor telefon/memadamkan nombor ke dalam telefon bimbitnya untuk kali yang 577.

15. Punch card.

16. Bonus sebulan yang dibayar 2 kali.

17. Honorarium pilihanraya sebanyak RM100, sekali dalam masa 5 tahun kerana bekerja dari pagi ke pagi selama seminggu. Oh unit lain paling kurang dapat RM500.

18. Kerja semasa Hari Raya, hujung minggu dan hari kelepasan am yang lain.

19. Sembang-sembang petugas mengutuk dan menghina kerajaan yang tidak membantu mengkayakan mereka.

Terlalu banyak untuk disenaraikan. Tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang...

Beautiful Illusion

A funny thing happened just now at the company’s surau. These people here ALWAYS MAKE A POINT to perform the Zohor prayer 10 minutes before it’s time for Asar. They even have a name for it, 2 in 1.

When I arrived at the surau for my Zohor prayer (I’m no saint), it struck me as weird as there was no one there. It was so quiet. Then I remember that today is ‘Lucky Draw’ day. True enough when I went downstairs afterwards, half of the employees were holding their tickets, eagerly waiting for their numbers to be called to win some cool company’s merchandise.

YES! Company’s merchandise, it’s so rare that you can’t get them elsewhere. And it’s free!! We must grab whatever free things being offered to us especially when we are facing a pretty damn hard times now. We must redevelop the welfare mentality now since we can’t work harder than usual. We are the victims here, so spare a little sympathy OK??




Precious Illusions

You'll rescue me right?
In the exact same way they never did..
I'll be happy right?When your healing powers kick in
You'll complete me right?Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy right?Only when you realize the gem I am?

But this won't work now the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
When I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water
But this won't work as well as the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
And though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

I've spent so long firmly looking outside me
I've spent so much time living in survival mode
This won't work now the way it once did
Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
Now I know who I'm not
I don't I still don't know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim

Pengajaran dan Pelajaran

Apa yang dipelajari semalam dan hari ini:

1. Orang yang suka pukul curi, tak menyangka yang mangsanya akan dapat menepis pukulan curi itu dan akan terkedu macam babi makan kapur apabila mangsanya menyepak dan membelasahnya secara berdepan. Dia akan cuba tukar taktik, tapi sudah terlambatlah.

2.Orang yang terlalu sangat harap orang lain/kerajaan jaga kebajikannya, akan melenting, mengamuk, merajuk, mencaci, menghina tak tentu hala apabila merasakan kebajikan dirinya terabai. Dia tak sedar dia sebenarnya perlu menjaga dirinya sendiri.

3.Orang yang tiada lagi semangat untuk meneruskan perjuangan hidup akan terus-terusan pasrah sehingga dia mati kejung.

4.Tangki minyak yang diisi sebanyak RM40 cuma dapat mengisi tahap seperti ia diisi dengan RM20.


5.Dua set pinggan nasi dengan 3 lauk satu set bersama air Nescafe ais dan the ais limau, yang dulunya berharga lebih kurang RM13, kini sudah menjadi RM17.


6.Orang yang keterlaluan berfikir sampai tidak sempat mengambil tindakan akan bermati-matian mempertahankan tahap pemikirannya walaupun isunya adalah kelemahan dia dalam mengambil apa-apa tindakan.


7. Orang lelaki pendek, gelap dan bermuka kelakar, nampak manis dan segak apabila mengenakan pakaian yang kemas dan bersih sambil membawa dirinya dengan yakin.


8. Mee goreng mamak terasa amat sedap sehingga teringat-ingat apabila sudah agak lama tidak merasainya.


9. Orang yang berhutang yang cuba bermati-matian mengelak daripada berjumpa orang yang dihutangi nampak di mata seperti keldai tua yang patut disembelih dan diberi makan kepada buaya.


10. Orang perempuan yang misinya mahu mengenakan orang lain tidak kira lelaki atau perempuan untuk dirinya berasa ‘besar’, mulutnya seperti terlondeh ke bawah dan wajahnya tiada seri jujur.


11. Susu Dutch Lady perisa strawberi jika disimpan di dalam peti sejuk selama 2 hari akan berasa lebih nikmat diminum sekaligus.


12. Pemandu bas Hop On Hop Off mempunyai karakter yang sama dengan pemandu-pemandu bas Metro yang kurang pengajaran.


13. Apabila seorang cucu tinggal bersama neneknya, cucu itu akan dibedaki dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki, DENGAN PUTIHNYA.


14. Seorang lelaki berumur 50-an, boleh memikat hati seorang wanita berumur 20-an, walaupun lelaki itu tiada memiliki sebarang kekayaan atau pekerjaan. Oh wanita itu pandu BMW.


15. Orang mengandung yang diminta goreng karipap sardin pada pukul 2 pagi, besar pahalanya apabila rela melakukan perkara itu.

The Fearless Lead The Way...

‘Life Favours The Fearless”. Ye ke? Let’s see…

Lew Fong Voon, the son of rubber tappers from Perak, one of 11 siblings, established Lewre International Sdn Bhd.

Loloq, started out from a very humble beginning, soared to make name for himself with his unique style of writing.

Rozita Ibrahim, the founder of Sendayu Tinggi, was a single mother living in poverty before taking on the beauty business.

Wan Mohd Ariffin Wan Long and his wife Noor Hijerah Hanafiah, founders of the well-known Malaysian brand, Noor Arfa Batek, started out selling their batiks from hotel to hotel, using their trusted old car, Fiat 127.

Yusof Haslam, was a bus conductor, before he went into acting that paved the way for him to make ‘million ringgit’ movies and a name for himself.

Henry Ford realised his dream to produce affordable cars, after two failed attempts to establish a company to manufacture cars. He went on revolutionising the automobile industry and the world.

Richard Branson took on British Airway in a lawsuit and won.

Mary Kay, the owner of MaryKay Cosmetics, worked in direct sales during the time when women were stuck in the kitchen. She went on to establish Mary Kay Cosmetics Inc. in 1963 and changed the life of women all over the world.

Tom Cruise, a dyslexic, took on acting that changed his life forever.

Man are truly capable of the impossibles.

There's A Lot More To Life Than Just You...

Finally, now I can take milk. Dutch Lady Strawberry flavoured milk. The nurses seemed annoyed when I told them I had difficulties in taking milk. “Mesti ambik jugak walapun tak suka.”. The problem was, bukan tak suka, tapi bila tengok je dah mual, bila amik kuar balik. Abih camner. Ok, there’s soy milk. But soy milk has a terrible after taste. Mengada-ngada. It’s not about you, it’s about the baby, says you.

Oh well, now I’m taking two packets of 250ml Dutch Lady Strawberry flavoured milk every day. I feel healthier. And I think the baby loves it too. It kicks and kicks while I’m taking the milk, same kicks when I listen to music, read books or reciting the special surahs. Hehe.


Manusia. Is capable of anything, the impossible and the unthinkable. It seems impossible for someone whose parents were mere labourers to achieve millionaire status when he turned 30, but it has happened. It seems impossible for a disabled guy, who got rejected in every interview that he went to, to lead a good and purposeful life, but it has happened. It seems impossible for a budding filmmaker, facing bankruptcy, to produce a trilogy that has garnered serious attention and started a world’s frenzy, but it has happened.


It’s unthinkable for parents to abandon their children because life is too hard for THEM. But it happens. It’s unthinkable for parents to leave their newly born babies to the elements because they had made a mistake. But it happens. It’s unthinkable for a mother to sell her babies because she cannot take care of them. But it happens. It’s unthinkable for a mother to hate her children for asking so much and too much in life. But it happens.

Aku sedar sekarang. Dunia tidak berputar mengelilingi aku. But I was too self-centred to realise that. Now, that I feel this life inside me, my purpose is getting clearer each day. Yes, it’s not about you. Aku insaf.

Pelan-pelan teguk...

Doktor, hospital, klinik, jururawat adalah kumpulan yang aku kurang sangat gemar. Bila demam, batuk, migrain atau stress memang kalau tak perlukan bukti MC aku takan pergi jumpa doktor. Rasa-rasanya 90% manusia tak suka jumpa doktor. Rasanyalah. Tak ada fakta untuk menyokong dakwaan.

Tapi bila dah mengandung, memang saja tempah naya la kan kalau takut pada ketakutan jumpa doktor (There’s nothing to fear but fear itself). Selasa pergi, dicucuk-cucuk. Mulanya lengan kiri, tak terbit pun darah, lepas tu yang kanan. Sakit la tapi kalau nak meraung memang tak bertempat sebab yang meraung kat situ cuma budak-budak comel, emak-emak comel tak ada.

Periksa berat, darah, pelbagai. Nurse komen badan tak nampak mcm 100kg, nampak mcm 80kg. Tak tahu nak rasa bangga, gembira, sedih, cemas atau teruja. Tapi from last check up naik 0.2 je. Masih jadi kerisauan nurse. Terima kenyataan kegemukan, azam slim lepas baby selamat.

Hari ni pergi lagi, cucuk lagi dua kali di lengan yang sama. Dah tak terasa apa dah. Alah bisa tegal biasa. Sama sebijik macam perubahan hidup. Mula-mula sakit, lama-lama, senyum je. Yang terasa bila minum segelas air gula. Terasa macam nak luah balik tapi bila nurse cakap ‘pelan-pelan ye, kalau muntah tak kira, datang balik esok, kene puasa balik, kene cucuk balik’. Gila. Nanti ada nurse lebam biji mata dicepuk emak comel. So, pelan-pelan teguk.

Lepas seksa, menggelupur cari makan. Sampai ke KLCC cari. Tapi makannya roti canai dengan teh tarik. Berbaloi sungguhla tu.

Isnin seksa lagi. Demi baby, apa saja.

p/s sebab dipuji tulis BM (Bahasa Melayu ke Malaysia, decide la oii), aku pun tunjuk skil. Tapi emosinya macam fake.

Below is one cool CV by Fall Out Boys..

The Case of A Charity Case

I didn’t get to come up on stage for the lucky draw prizes. I watched all the big prizes being given away to someone else, with disappointment. Aiyahh, let it go la Moon, you’re not a charity case anyway (hahah orang dah tak dapat punya reasoning).

The food was surprisingly good especially the masak lemak daging salai. I was the only one at the table who went for a second helping of rice, but nobody made a fuss. As with other governmental functions, the protocol was way too lengthy with every person deemed important had to be given time to make a speech. Meanwhile, my stomach was growling all the way.

I was so into the food that I didn’t pay much attention to the performers that night. Only after my appetite was satisfied did I truly listened to them. My colleagues were amazingly talented with the rendition of various songs. The company’s unofficial house band made its debut with flying colours. Bravo people!

Btw, I did get a prize, a shopping voucher in Isetan and a will writing service worth RM550. Not bad eh for ‘a leaving for freedom’ gift? (kata bukan charity case?)

p/s: Mr Tian Chua was there. He has a beautiful smile, hasn't he?

ABC

Dapat makan KFC dah semalam. Dan berjaya menghabiskan buku yang dibeli masa kat PJ sabtu hari tu. Tengah nak habiskan satu lagi buku, 'Unlimited Success' oleh Napoleon Hill. Target masa: 2 hari. Pasti boleh.

Malam ada dinner dilontarkan oleh kompeni. Aku pergi buat penutup perkhidmatan. At the same time, I'm eyeing for the lucky draw prizes, mesti naik pentas malam ni. Sambil mingle-mingle dengan orang-orang yang akan aku tinggalkan. Tak pakai glitter-glitter pun. Sebab aku yang mengandung dah mengundang tumpuan muahahahah. Aku yang dipanggil koboi mengandung, macam tak percaya, plus saiz lebih 'prominent' dari biasa.

Oh sebelum meninggalkan ruang blog, nak kongsi:

"Never, never, never give up. The biggest losers are quitters". Macam tak percaya je aku quote Donald Trump.

Ciao for now.

Loving It All...

I am craving for KFC at this moment. Nasib baik KFC, bukan daging rusa. Anyway, I’ll be having another one of my favourite, Bihun Tomyam. Amir and I had lunch with his friend at the Rak Thai Restaurant today. Knowing his food, Encik ordered rice with buttered prawn and a ‘kow’ seafood tomyam. I only had cendol (which I didn’t know ada rasa-rasa durian) since I had rice with fish curry and spicy chicken earlier. Pikir balik, menyesal tak makan lagi tadi.


After lunch, we passed by an uncle selling motivational books and DVDs. You don’t have to guess, I bought one book and Amir another. But this time I’m pretty sure that I’ll finish it before Amir even say ‘baca bagi habis’, since it’s only 77 pages thick heheh. Smart me.

Went on to the centre to meet two wonderful, new friends and talked until around 6pm. Nice, good-looking couple. The girl thought I was 28. Fuhh she made my dayla! I don’t think she was just being nice. Judging by her genuinely surprised look when I told her my age, I know she was sincere. Muahahah. Sekali-sekala aku kene up diri sendiri. But the truth is I do look younger than my age. (Please don’t waste the food you just ate, swallow it down, mak kata tak baik membazir).

OK. I’m going to chow down the bihun tomyam now. Have a nice weekend.

Kau Yang Bernama...

Beli 4 buku, yang 10 kat rumah tak habis baca lagi. Habit tak bagus, beli-beli tak baca. Rugi ilmu yang ada dalam buku tu kalau tak baca. Sori Encik, saya mesti berusaha keras untuk menghabiskannya.

Macam kanak-kanak nampak candy berwarna-warni bila aku ada dalam kedai buku. Berpinar-pinar mata. Yang 4 tu purchase online. Tajuk dan sinopsis amat menarik. Pasti isinya juga merangsang kepala otak yang semakin lembab (disarankan juga untuk orang yang rasa diri pandai sangat, bukan buku tu, tapi disarankan anda membaca, Mangga, Hai, URTV tak kira).

The Power of A Positive Woman, Success is Never Ending Failure Is Never Final, Tough Times Never Last but Tough People Do and Last Lecture. Mahu sarat kepala dan dada. Nanti bolehlah pengetahuan itu dikongsi dengan sesiapa. (Teringat pulak kata-kata Jimi Hendrix - Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens. Hehe)

Bulan ni bulan beli bahan bacaan. PNM mesti bangga ada rakyat macam aku dengan Encik Amir. Rasa-rasanya orang-orang kat PNM tu suka membaca ke. Dari pemerhatian bila makan di cafe sana, macam tak. Muka-muka lepak semua. Tapi mungkin sedang membincangkan isu-isu yang telah dibaca. Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

Aku nak jadi macam dua orang kawan tu, yang rumah penuh buku. Nak jumpa orang, kena jumpa buku dulu. Mesti beli umah 7 bilik ni. Satu bilik buku dari lantai ke siling. Amin.

Jaga-jaga Backside Tu...

Recession is coming for sure. Don’t tell me you still believe the crap churned by the government, that it will do everything to prevent that from happening. Because the truth is those people there will save their fat, corrupted asses first and foremost. Your puny backside? Only you can save it baby.

I know most of us love to live in denial because it’s such a blissful world. Go ahead, it’s your choice, but don’t la go complaining that your life is miserable because the government isn’t doing its job well. I’d say, F*** you to your comel faces. Well, if you’d like to experience that, by all means. I’ve warned you.

You see friends, after so many years complaining about how the government neglect people like you and me, why must we believe whatever it’s being said now? WE know for sure that those people don’t really give a hoot about us, so what can we do? Ohh I know, I know, KILL OURSELVES! That’s one choice isn’t it?

Look at the reality now la. Tak habis-habis orang-orang tua bertekak pasal diri masing-masing. Siap merajuk tak moh lagi jadi ahli. Masing-masing berlumba-lumba nak jaga bontot masing-masing. Takan kita tak sedar-sedar lagi, masih lagi nak harapkan orang lain jaga bontot kita. Mana ada jalan.

Sudah-sudahlah. Dah berpuluh tahun kaut harta, bagilah orang lain pulak korupsi. Orang lain pun nak merasa.

Eeee..kecik-kecik tak moh mati, dah besar menyusahkan orang. Dah tua kerepot menyusahkan negara. Pi main guli la.


Oh yes, something else for us to ponder;

“I’ve suffered so much in the last 20 years, so much so I ran away from the public. I found solace in farming. I talked to monkeys, birds and wild boars. I asked them not to disturb my plants.” - -Tun Salleh Abas, saying that God has answered his prayers and given him a moral victory which translates to legal victory by virtue of the government wanting to heal wounds with the judiciary.


“The United States, a major destination of our export products, is facing an imminent economic recession. Inevitably, Malaysia would feel the impact of a US growth slowdown and it is expected to affect us on all aspects – from the generation of jobs to remittances to prices of basic goods.”

Source: Malaysia Business, May 1st-15th

It's Not So Bad, Is It?

I am actually scared. I have a very low threshold for pain, proven in my taking the ponstan for even the slightest indication of an oncoming migraine. To me, migraine pain is the most horrible pain a person could endure.

Friends are very careful not to talk about their moments in labour when they’re around me. Some says it all disappear when you look into the eyes of the baby that you bring into this world. I guess that’s true la.

Even at this moment I’m amazed for the gift that’s inside me, especially when I can feel it’s kicking from time to time. And I notice, it’s especially active at night and when I listen to music. Secretly I hope it’s more musically inclined like Amir, or a left hander like him, heck I hope the baby’s more like Amir than me hehe.

Hmm..maybe I should think about all the magical times we will be spending together in years to come as a family than focusing on what will it be during labour eh. Don’t want to channel negative vibes to the baby kan? Being negative is always bad, no matter to what length we try to justify it. It doesn’t do any good to you or anyone around you (in my case, the baby inside me).

Head Brain Bangs (Att: Translation needed)

This is what I don’t like. If I start reading the papers and start paying really close attention to what’s been written in the company’s website (due to the so called seniority, I TOOK MYSELF OUT from doing the routine updating of the news a year ago-yes, me the bad woman), I become mad, madder, maddest. Things said by jokers in the government will always bring my temperature to dangerous level.

Death is always a tragic thing, always. Although we may feel indifferent if death happens to someone we don’t know, or feel that they got what they deserve if the dead are some dangerous criminals, corrupted officers of the government or our biggest enemy. On a personal level death is always tragic.

But to a certain bozo, death is just another occurrence that does not deserve any more attention that what’s given to say, the bombed woman case or to the kitchen sink (I don’t know where this came from hahah) because according to him “…sejak 2004 apabila kumpulan pelatih pertama diambil hingga sekarang, sebanyak 16 kematian dilaporkan membabitkan pelatih PLKN iaitu 11 kematian ketika mengikuti latihan, manakala lima lagi kematian ketika pelatih diberikan pelepasan cuti. Daripada 11 itu, tujuh kematian kerana penyakit manakala empat lagi akibat kemalangan.

…Beliau berkata kematian itu hanya melibatkan peratusan kecil daripada pelatih PLKN yang sehingga ini sebanyak 339,186 orang."

Ya Rabbi!, People died la man, how could you say something ‘clever’ like that? When the petrol price went up they compare it to countries that have higher prices. I remember Hisham made the same comparison with other countries when the issue of illiteracy among our school children are brought up. These jokers are really into this comparing habit eh? Maybe that’s just what they do-la everywhere (don’t be surprised these are what they talk about at parliament), compare who has the biggest d***, the most mistresses, the most money swindled, the tiniest brain, and the like.

Aku dah kata, aku tak suka baca suratkhabar ni. Dan aku tak suka orang tanya2 aku pasal ‘Apa berita terbaru’. Walaupun aku kerja kat sini, tak bermakna aku ada cita2 nak jadi ahli politik kedai kopi mcm kau orang.

Malas betul aku cakap dengan manusia bodoh tak boleh diajar ni. Mengong tahap tahi ulat dalam batu!

Tomyam Kepala Orang

Kepala yang dihantukkan ke dinding akhirnya terbelah. Darah keluar membuak-buak. Kepala bercantum selepas penyakit yang membuatkan kepala berdenyut-denyut sakit keluar bersama-sama darah tadi. Hidup seperti biasa.

Bagus betul kalau dapat ubat sakit kepala yang menyeksakan macam tu. Tak perlu lagi beli pain killer banyak-banyak, ditelan banyak-banyak, sampai tidur banyak-banyak hari.

Bagus juga kalau dapat menghapuskan sebarang kesakitan, kehampaan, kekecewaan, kesengsaraan, juga melenyapkan visual atau punca sakit mata dan sakit telinga menggunakan method seperti itu. Untuk menghapuskan apa sahaja ‘sakit’ yang dialami, kita kenakan tindakan fizikal yang keputusannya, punca tadi dapat dilenyapkan.

Kalau sakit gigi, ubatnya dicabut gigi yang menyebabkan sakit itu. Kalau sakit mata biasa, dibuang mata yang sakit itu, manakala sakit mata rohaniah, marilah hapuskan punca kesakitan itu dengan menembak, memukul, menikam, atau apa sahaja asalkan puncanya tiada lagi di depan mata.

Kalau sakit telinga, sama juga caranya. Tengoklah, apabila sakit kepala berdenyut-denyut itu menyerang, aku berfikir perkara yang ekstrem dan membuat perkara yang ekstrem. Dalam kepala teringin sangat mencabut kepala manusia di sebelah aku ni yang asyik memutarkan lagu yang sama sejak aku mula masuk tadi. Macam cabut kepala sotong. Lepas tu, campakkan badan tanpa kepala tu di empat dinding di sini. Mungkin baru puas hati.

Atau aku boleh tidur di depan PC, tanpa memperdulikan orang sekitar. Masalahnya pulak lampu terang kat sini. Padamkan semua lampu dan tidur. Kalaulah office ni bapak aku yang punya, alangkah bagusnya menyalahgunakan kuasa. Kebal dan berkuasa. Macam manalah rasanya eh, menyalahgunakan kuasa? Kena interview politicians, aspiring politicians dan kerabat-kerabat dorang jugak ni.

Aduhhh, kepala aku!

It Hit Me Too...

Aiyaaa. OK. Don’t feel insulted because that was not the intention. But sometimes, we will only think thoroughly about something when it hits us right in our faces. That’s exactly what happened to me recently.

There was a confusion regarding the electricity bill. One day I woke up, feeling very warm and saw that the pillow was moist with my sweat. The air cond was off, which was weird because Amir would never turn it off when I’m still sleeping.

I checked the fan. It wouldn’t turn on. Went downstairs and checked the TV. Aiyohh, a black out on the day I planned to stay home and finish watching Criminal Minds. But then I thought, the power would come back on in an hour or so. Which it didn’t.

What would a home alone, car-less (Amir took the car to the training), sweating all over pregnant woman do on a day like that? I slept most of the day away. What else could I do? And of course, I did a little of thinking, about the future mostly. Now I know that whatever I do at the present will determine what my life will be in the future, but I never really did think about that through.

I know Amir is at his wits ends of what to do about me. He’s working hard to keep our momentum going in the business but I’m not doing my part to help him. My poor husband has to put up with episodes of flare-ups for many months now.

The time alone, without electricity at home, the other day, really put things in perspective. I want so many things in life for my family, for the baby, but the efforts do not exactly match. That’s crazy isn’t it? I need to do something fast, I told myself. I need to buck up. I need to stop playing the I’m pregnant-so-I-deserve-to-take-time-off game. I need to think less of me and more of us. I need to apologise to that genius husband of mine.

He really is a genius. Sheesh I’ve just realised I’m married to a real profiler. But then that’s another story.

Now, I need to devise a plan.

Thank God I'm Leaving...

Wisma Putra is having difficulties in finding the right candidates for the 300 or more vacancies in the ministry. This problem occurs almost everywhere nowadays. Employers are just not satisfied with the candidates to fill the positions in their companies. I share Syed Nadzri’s sentiment that our education system is the culprit in breeding mediocrity.

It’s sad to see how some graduates of Mass Communications having problems with connecting with people. How some of them feel easily intimidated in new environments, lacking the initiatives to advance in work situations, giving in to low self confidence. Some even purposely looking for jobs that don’t need them to run around meeting people, minimising contacts with the outside world.

Seeing this happening at work, really frustrate and angered me somehow. What happen to these poor souls in the varsities? Were they really learning or merely going with the flow until they get the certificates? Did they just buried themselves in books, burning the midnight oil, not making any effort to learn in social environments on or off campus?

Instead of embracing challenges, the things they learn at the varsities, turn them into a bunch of lazy cowards. I wonder if they learn anything at all. And by learning I don’t mean memorising from textbooks and lecture notes and then purging them verbatim on the examination sheets.

You tell me.

Thank You For Your Time

1. Allow people to get off from the elevator/train before rushing in.

2. Shake hands when introduced to someone, some may have reservations in hand shaking, a nod with a big smile will do.

3. Never cut queues, even though you can’t hold it any longer (you can always look for the toilet first)

4. Never cut queues just because you want to be at work on time.

5. Do not spend more than 5 minutes at the ATM machine, especially when the queue is long.

6. Do not change channels or turn off the office TV when there are people watching, just because you have finished your shift.

7. Turn off your phones when in movie theatres, conferences, meetings, seminars, or at the very least put your phones in silent mode but NEVER attempt to answer any calls inside the halls.

There are a lot more of these simple courtesies. The one I have mentioned here are the most violated, everywhere I go.

Menang Loteri Ke?

Aku ada sedikit pengalaman dengan nombor ekor. Aku tak main, tapi orang lain yang aku kenal ada juga main. Masa kecik-kecik dulu, aku tak tahu pulak nombor ekor dikelaskan sebagai judi.

Masa aku kecik, sampailah tadi aku tak tahu ada orang boleh menang duit nombor ekor ni sampai berjuta-juta. Aku tahu ada orang menang loteri di luar negara sana tu, sebab dilaporkan dalam akhbar. Rasanya di Malaysia ni, tak der digembar-gemburkan pun. Maklumlah kelasnya adalah judi.

Tadi masa makan tengah hari di kedai kakak orang Negeri Sembilan yang lauk-pauknya amatlah kena dengan selera aku seperti masak lemak cili api, terung sambal, ikan goreng, sambal belacan dan kuah lode, ada seorang pengawal keselamatan di kedai nombor ekor menceritakan tentang seorang pemain nombor ekor yang menang sebanyak RM19 juta. Rasa macam nak terkeluar anak tekak aku dengar. Gila babi banyak tu.

Pada aku, menang nombor ekor sebanyak RM35k pun dah banyak nak mampus., inikan RM19 juta. Tapi Amir ada tanya pakcik tu, ‘Kau rasa sebulan lepas tu, duit RM19 juta ada lagi tak pada dia?”. Pakcik kata “Kalau Cina, aku percaya, sebab mungkin dia buat rumah ke apa ke, kalau Melayu, aku tak rasa ada lagi.” Itu bukan jawapan aku, tapi jawapan pakcik.

Pada aku, tak kira bangsa lah, Melayu, Cina, India, Mat Salleh, kalau tak da kebijaksanaan pengurusan wang, duit RM19juta tu boleh jadi RM19 dalam masa sebulan dua. Apabila orang yang menang tu memang tak sangka dia akan menang dan memang selama ni tak pernah pegang duit lebih RM5k pada satu-satu masa, confirm sebulan lepas tu dia akan kembali pada keadaan pra-menang loteri.

Tengok orang-orang Felda yang jadi jutawan mee segera mamee. Memang segera lah kan, sekejapan duit habis. Beli kereta, memang priority, bukan sebijik, tapi 2,3 bijik. Memang bijaksana sangatlah tu. Melabur skim tah hapa-hapa, jatuh tempat kedua. Beli barang-barang kemas, tempat ketiga. Ada tak yang terpikir nak buat plastic surgery? Maybe not, hanya bini ahli politik je kot yang suka buat plastic surgery, sampai koma-koma la.

Nombor ekor ni dah jadi sebati dengan budaya orang kita. Ada yang main suka-suka (biasanya jenis ni dah banyak duit), tapi ramai yang main sebab nak duit banyak tapi nak duduk-duduk saja, hujung-hujung dapat duit selepuk. Pemalas macam babi. Babi lagi rajin. Kesian pulak aku rasa babi tu.

Emosi tinggi pulak hujung-hujung ni.

The profiler

I am diligently watching Criminal Minds seasons 1-3. Thanks to Sedi I am now looking forward to my nights at home. That is one show that kind of stuck to me even after the episodes end.

All my life, I’ve always been fascinated by crime stories, real or fiction. I should say the same goes to ghost stories but this fascination has to be put on hold for now. I love Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie on paper or on TV, Murder She Wrote is my all time favourite, and now it’s CSI, NCIS, and Without A Trace. Midsommer Murders is fun when I run out of programmes to watch, but I do love the village where it’s being filmed.

Now, maybe I should be a criminalist or a writer who writes about fictional crimes based on real evidence or a profiler like the Behavioural Analysis Unit team in Criminal Minds. Or be like Jane Doe, whose interest lies in solving puzzles and who is also a secret agent.

I wish I had the skill like Jason Gideon. At a glance it’s almost like he can read people’s mind. They don’t teach that in universities here, do they? No. I don’t think so. Anything that has to do with enhancing one’s mind is considered disruptive here.

I’m adding ‘To learn profiling skill’ as another one of my target.

What Is It That You Want?

1.

Jodoh pertemuan, hidup dan mati di tangan Allah. I was reminded of this when a friend came to see me about a ‘problem’ of hers. She is in a dilemma of choosing between guy A or guy B.

Upon further probing, it turned out it’s not a dilemma at all. Apparently she does not have ‘that’ feeling anymore for the guys, is just that she has known both guys for about three years now and guy B has asked her many times on many occasions whether she loves him or not, whereas guy B is, according to what she told me, indifferent.

I think I know why she thinks this is a big dilemma, and trust me I understand her. But this age and time, we can always ask those busy bodies to go fly kites in hell. My advice to her was to work on her business and not think too much of the so called dilemma. I also told her to be really specific on what she wants in everything (including men) and read the Yassin every night and ask for what her heart desires. (The Yassin advice was given to me by a good friend of mine years ago and today I passed it on to another good friend)

Babe I pray that everything works out for you.

2.
I would like to think I have a nice disposition and that people do not feel threatened or intimidated by me or take an instant dislike the moment they see me. But this cook at the office café is a challenge to that thought. I know I didn’t do anything that makes him angry because I rarely order anything from him. For lunch I usually take nasi campur and I take my dinner outside. And I am very sure whenever I see him at the café or along the corridor I smile at him (in fact, I happen to smile to everybody). So I really don’t know what his problem is. Is not that he makes bitchy remarks (oh he aspires to be a she) to me or anything like that but when I do order food from him I will always get lousy food and unfriendly service, whereas a customer before and after me will always get his best smile. Of course I don’t give it much thought, but I became curious today when he was extra nice to me. While choosing the kueh to go with the teh tarik, he asked me in the nicest way possible if I wanted to order anything. And when the cashier wasn’t at the counter, he went out of his way to look for her, so I could pay. Has he realised now that I’m an angel not the devil he mistaken me for, or is he planning something diabolic?

Things Happen For A Reason...

A friend’s baby was admitted to IJN last week for heart complications. She underwent an operation on Friday. She is just three months old. I saw her today. It broke my heart to see baby and mummy. It seems so wrong for a person that small to suffer a great deal.

I pray for her to get better and for mummy to stay strong. I believe babies can feel what their parents are feeling. Mummy, please focus on her to get better and be strong, so baby will be strong and fight for her life.

Panjangnya Rungutan Aku...

Aku ada dua jamuan makan hari ni. Satu kat Serdang (kenduri kahwin adik one of our partners) dan satu lagi birthday party anak kawan sekolah aku di Seri Kembangan. Aku memang mengidam makan kenduri, walaupun tadi nasi tak bertambah, tapi rasa puas betul. Di birthday party tu aku dapat makan kek coklat pisang Power Puff Girls.

Anyway, apa yang nak aku ceritakan bukanlah pasal makan kenduri dan makan kek tu. Tapi apa yang berlaku semasa aku dan Amir pergi dari satu stesen minyak Petronas ke satu stesen minyak Petronas yang lain untuk membeli sampul surat. Biasanya ada sampul duit raya standby dalam kereta, tapi dah habis pulak, so kami meragau mencari sampul surat. Stesen minyak Petronas yang kami pergi hanya menjual sampul surat A4, manakala kedai Seven-Eleven yang kami singgah pula tak ada saiz yang diingini.

Akhirnya kami singgah di kedai runcit seorang uncle di Serdang. Hari kan panas terik hari ini (setelah beberapa hari hujan siang dan malam). Jadi aku teringin nak makan aiskrim dan seperti biasa Amir perlukan diet air manis dia. Masa membayar harga barang yang kami beli (dapat jugak akhirnya sampul surat yang aku nak tu), Uncle cakap “satu hari panas sudah cukup”, maksudnya hari-hari hujan, tapi bila panas, panas betul. Aku automatiknya menjawab ‘Yelah Uncle, panas betul hari ini.”

Hours later, dalam perjalanan balik, aku terfikir, kita ni betullah suka komplen, hujan selalu pun komplen, panas sangat pun tak boleh. Masa hujan, ‘asik hujan je, panas kan bagus”, bila Tuhan dah makbulkan doa kita, kita cakap pulak ‘aduss panasnya, best ni kalau hujan”. Selain daripada komplen, kita ni sebenarnya tak tahu mana satu yang kita nak atau apa yang kita mahukan.

Kita bukan setakat komplen benda yang kita tak boleh ubah (contoh cuaca tadi), tapi benda yang kita boleh ubah pun kita suka bising-bising. Contohnya aku, suka komplen badan gemuk montel, tapi abis komplen, makan bertimbun jugak, exercise malas jugak. Ada pulak komplen duit selalu tak cukup, dan mmg tahu akan tak cukup, tapi bila dicadangkan mereka buat sesuatu untuk memperbaiki keadaan tu, tak nak pulak, dan dan cakap, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Kalau betul ye bersyukur dan pasrah, jangan bising boleh tak? Orang pun tak meluat dengar, aku rasalah.

Dalam keadaan sekarang, yang mana semua barang keperluan melambung naik, memanglah reaksi pertama kita mesti nak komplen, merungut, marah, bengang. Tapi lepas tu apa? Sebab aku rasalah kan, harga barang takan turun kalau kita setakat bising-bising macam tu. Doa pagi petang siang malam, supaya politicians terbukak hati nurani mereka menolong kita? Atau harap ada orang bantu kita BAGI duit lebih? Dah rasa tak logic pulakkan letakkan nasib dan masa depan kita atas tangan orang lain? Tangan sendiri kan ada?

Ha inilah rentetan remark yang uncle kedai runcit tu buat, asalnya kami nak cari sampul surat je.

Panjangkan rungutan aku, dari semalam tak habis-habis. BISINGLAH!!!

About Me, Me, Me and More Me

A week ago I fell off from the edge of the world of the living deads, but now I have came back for I still have some unfinished business here. It was an interesting week for me where I had the taste of how it will be when the time comes, which is in mid-July by the way.

But now I’m back to the old routine. It’s okay, I’m not blaming anyone, justifying anything or complaining, which is by the way the three clues for detecting those energy sapping, attention-seeking people who love to play the role of a victim. This new info I gleaned from reading a new book in our list, Secrets of A Millionaire Mind.

After reading the section on the clues, I realised that I have so many friends who are in that category and that I was once like that. So this is what the book says about the ‘woe be me’ species;

“Victims BLAME the economy, they blame the government, they blame the stock market, they blame their broker, they blame their type of business, they blame their employer…they blame their partner, they blame their spouse,..and of course they blame their parents. It’s always someone else or something else to blame. The problem is anything or anyone but them…

Have you ever noticed that complainers usually have a tough life? It seems that everything that could go wrong does go wrong with them. They say “Of course I complain – look how crappy my life is.” And now that you know better, you can explain to them, “No, it’s BECAUSE you complain that your life is so crappy. So shut up…and DON”T stand near me!”…

Plenty of people however, love to hang out and listen to complainers. Why? It’s simple: they’re waiting for their turn! “You think that’s bad? Wait till you hear what happened to me!”

Yes, I was once that despicable. No wonder I haven’t got many friends then. And now that I know better, I’m staying away from these energy-sapping, attention seeking, ‘oh poor me’ people. You should too because life is too short to be complaining. It should be filled with proactive actions to move forward. Easier said than done you say, but we have to start somewhere. So why not start with yourself?

Have a nice day...

Mentari Bersembunyi Dua Hari Ini...

Apa yang aku rasa, lihat, alami dalam dua hari ni? Aku lihat kesakitan dua orang tua dalam keluarga besar kami, aku rasai kesedihan hati anak-anak, saudara mara aku dan kepasrahan mereka atas apa yang berlaku.

Aku mengalami kejadian yang sukar jugak nak digambarkan dengan kata-kata. Tapi mungkin tak sesusah mana. Cuma aku tak mahu menceritakannya. Bukan kejadian luar biasa, tapi yang tidak biasa aku alami. Bukan kejadian buruk, cuma aku belum tahu lagi apakah mesej yang cuba disampaikan.

Aku melihat dan merasai kegembiraan adik ipar aku dan seorang rakan kami yang melangkah ke fasa baru. Kegembiraan itu menjadi inspirasi kepada kami berdua. Aku juga merasai ketakutan, bukan yang amat sangat, tapi ketakutan yang mengundang persoalan, mampukah kami melakukannya dalam batasan masa yang kami tetapkan sendiri?

Yang paling penting, aku merasai satu rasa bebas yang teramat, rasa ringan seperti satu beban maha berat diangkat daripada bahuku yang mula lenguh dan sengal, setelah aku nekad mengambil keputusan untuk meneruskan perjuangan secara terfokus tanpa rasa bersalah dan gangguan kerja yang menyemakkan fikiran. Itu yang aku rasa dan alami sendiri.

Aku rasa seperti bahasa aku begitu puitis untuk satu cerita yang tidak romantik.




Sting melagukan kekusutan jiwa apabila mentarinya menghilangkan diri...

The Grateful Entry...

Finally, I’ve come to the decision. After much mulling (exactly a year), I have come to this. A beloved friend was the first to know. She is all for it. Ought to teach ‘her’ a lesson, she said.

I was scared even to think about it at first. But the more I spent time with these wonderful people, the more I was forced to think about it. I can’t find that satisfaction anymore and the frustration with the situation, with ‘her’ and with the incompetent ‘babies’ (who want to conquer the world), are vented on the people I loved most. Is not fair, isn’t it?

The fact that Sofea, Azrul and Sham (to name a few) had made the leap to take charge of their lives, sealed the deal I was trying to make with myself. I feel lighter and more energised now. It’s a great feeling to be able to do the one thing you fear. I know this is life changing for me, changing for the better.

As much as I’m doing this for myself, my family and those who has put their trust on me, are the propeller of this decision. I know I have to inspire them to look for a better future. So I start with myself. I know it will trigger a massive change in them.

Seeing how these people take the risk and embrace the Just Do It attitude fills me so much admiration for their courage. For a person like me, who has nothing more to lose, it’s a no-brainer. I know I deserve a life way better than this. I also know, to attain a life of greatness, sacrifices have to be made.

When the first ‘idea’ came to me, I had so many doubts. I pushed it to the back of my mind and forced it to stay there for some time. A few weeks ago, the window of thoughts opened again, triggered by the book I’m reading now, “If Success Is A Game, These Are The Rules”. There’s one chapter in the book about self-truth and how to uncover your essential self and your purpose in life.

Most of us are too caught up in the race that we forget the reasons we do things. Many of us are just too poor, thus disabling us to even think of the whys. We’re more interested in surviving the days, the months, and the years.

Reading about that jolted me somehow. Now, I’m really back to reality. The reality is, not the current stagnant working life that we face, but the fact that we have the power to choose the life we want to live. Yes, that’s our real reality.

I’m thankful to Allah, for giving me the conviction that I can do this. I’m thankful to the people I’ve met, who have helped me to re-identify my essential self and my purpose. I’m also thankful to the people who have no trust in me, because without you, I will not be able to come to this decision.

The moment I let go of it was The moment I got more than I could handle The moment I jumped off of it was The moment I touched down How about no longer being masochistic How about remembering your divinity How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out How about not equating death with stopping Thank you India Thank you providence Thank you disillusionment Thank you nothingness Thank you clarity Thank you thank you silence

What Is It To You?

What is success to you? It is subjective isn’t it? No one definition can really explain the meaning of success because to each is different. To a standard one pupil, success could mean getting a bicycle after months of pleading and brooding. To a teenager it could mean getting a date with the most popular boy/girl in school, while to a salaried worker success could mean getting a promotion after 20 years working in the company.

To a person who has been working for the same company for eight years and who desires to have her own tuition centre, success to me is about resigning my current job and do my business, full time and the money I generate from this business, will be used to open my own tuition centre. However, it doesn’t mean I’m not a successful person by my own right.

I’ve had many successes in life that I’m very proud of. When I was still in school I dreamt of being a university student, carrying thick books around, attending lectures, having educated discussions with my course mates and taking pictures after my convocation with my parents and family. I actually had those vivid images in my mind. I’ve succeeded.

Being a person on the heavy side, I had the desire to look tall and thin and confident during my convocation. I imagined myself working out at the gym, sweating it out and getting the results I wanted. I imagined looking fit and healthy and happy on that special day. I’ve done that (and managed to keep the fat off for some years, but came back to my heavier self now), but hey I’ve done that and it’s not impossible to do it again.

I dreamt of having a career that allows me to meet people (though I started out to be a kera sumbang), so I could learn to be comfortable around people, a career that allows me to have a good life on my own, without having to rely much on others. I had this visual of me, looking splendid, confident with satisfied look on my face, driving my own car that I bought with my own money. I’ve achieved that.

Now I have these images of me and my significant other, with two children in a 21/2 bungalow (hehhe I just saw the house yesterday), with a nice little fountain, a spacious living quarters, lined with floor to ceiling bookcases filled with books of all kinds, living our life happily as a family should be. I have these images of us running our own business, going on travels with our immediate family, lending a helping hand to those in need (especially underprivileged children) and being satisfied and being grateful at the same time. I dream of a life of abundance of happiness, health and lessons to be learnt each day by my children so that they grow up to be a responsible persons to their own lives and others. These visualisations haven’t been manifested yet, but by experience, I know they will be. The power to make it happen is in my hands.

You see, it doesn’t matter if you are making waves around the world for constructing the tallest building in the world, or have just broke the world’s record in being the longest person who can hold his breath underwater, or finally breaking your habit of snacking at night, because when you feel satisfaction in the things you do to achieve those, then it’s your success. We are focussing too much on the many great achievements by people around the world, that we forget to look at our own achievements in life.

Each time you feel the blues, when you’re not where you wanted to be in life, just remember to look back to those day dreaming days when you dreamt of things you wanted to do, see or experience. I’m sure you will find something that will bring the smile back on your face. You’re your greatest motivator. Allah is Great, He made us the way we are so we will always be the most successful person in our mind’s eye. We just have to believe that we’re His most precious creation and take the effort to manifest the images of success we’ve been having for so long now. It’s worth all the blood, sweat and tears.

Feel Free To Slap Your Face Hard Three Times

Self sabotage. I know this term well. I’ve experienced it first hand. I’ve seen many of the people around me do the same. It’s self-explanatory so anyone with half a brain knows the meaning.

According to Cherie Carter-Scott in her book “If Success Is A Game, These Are The Rules’, self sabotage is the number one reason why success becomes derailed. I truly believe that with all my heart. As I said earlier, I’ve experienced it first hand.

There are many instances in my life where I am the sole reason why success, happiness and love elude me. However, to make this point clearer, I’ll choose the long battle I have with the bulge. I think this is an issue where many of us can relate.

I was born big, big bones or big frame, as they like to call it. I take after my grandfather, a towering of a man. Because of that, people had mistaken a 10 year old me as a form one student. And I mature fast, when I was in standard four, if you know what I mean.

The weight piled on the moment I started my form one year. I was the biggest gal in school, or so I thought. School was of course brutal. Yes, I had a set of friends whom I was comfortable with but even then they could not help making fun of my size. Well, I guess they were not really friends if they could do that. But I was hanging on to the last thread of acceptance, which these so called friends seemed to provide.

Because of the hatred I had towards my own body, I started to find ways to change it. I started dieting and exercising. At first it felt great, but as time passed by I got bored with the same diet and the same exercise. Although I diligently followed the routine, I didn’t lose the weight I want.

I became angry, with myself, with my friends, my family and everyone around me. I started to binge on food and returned to my couch potato days. I blamed everybody for my failure; I even blamed my slow metabolism for it.

But of course you can see where the problem lies. It’s the expectation that I have for myself. I wanted to see dramatic results, fast. It’s the same problem every one of us face: instant gratification. For example, you invest 2k today, you want 50k in the course of two weeks. Yes, ridiculous, but that’s what happened to me and that’s what happening to you too.

When you don’t get the result that you want to see in such a short time, you started to express your frustration outward by blaming everyone but yourself. What you need to do is to look inward. What have I done wrong? Have I done enough? Do I need to do this differently? What is it that I need to do differently? Unfortunately many of us prefer to put the blame on others. It’s the easy way out.

When you failed in school, was it your teachers’ fault? Or your classmates who refused to lend you their notes? Or maybe your parents for not sending you early enough to school on the day you’re supposed to take your test, causing you to panic and blanked out?

When you can’t find a job that commensurate with your qualifications, do you blame the government for not providing enough positions for people like you? Or the employers for being selective and only hire people with more experience than you? Or maybe you blame those people who applied the job before you did.

When you’re tired living hand to mouth for so many years, doing the same job when you were 24 years old, do you blame it on your employers for not raising your salary? Or the government for ignoring people like you, while serving to prosper the already rich people? Or maybe you blame your family for wanting too much and so much?

YOU and ONLY YOU are the common denominator in the three instances. YOU and ONLY YOU can make things happen for you. Stop sabotaging yourself. Every one of us is eligible for success, not just the wealthy and the privileged. The earlier you wake up from your slumber, the better. Carpe Diem baby!


p/s I still haven't won the battle. I'm fighting it one day at a time.