1.
Jodoh pertemuan, hidup dan mati di tangan Allah. I was reminded of this when a friend came to see me about a ‘problem’ of hers. She is in a dilemma of choosing between guy A or guy B.
Upon further probing, it turned out it’s not a dilemma at all. Apparently she does not have ‘that’ feeling anymore for the guys, is just that she has known both guys for about three years now and guy B has asked her many times on many occasions whether she loves him or not, whereas guy B is, according to what she told me, indifferent.
I think I know why she thinks this is a big dilemma, and trust me I understand her. But this age and time, we can always ask those busy bodies to go fly kites in hell. My advice to her was to work on her business and not think too much of the so called dilemma. I also told her to be really specific on what she wants in everything (including men) and read the Yassin every night and ask for what her heart desires. (The Yassin advice was given to me by a good friend of mine years ago and today I passed it on to another good friend)
Babe I pray that everything works out for you.
2.
I would like to think I have a nice disposition and that people do not feel threatened or intimidated by me or take an instant dislike the moment they see me. But this cook at the office café is a challenge to that thought. I know I didn’t do anything that makes him angry because I rarely order anything from him. For lunch I usually take nasi campur and I take my dinner outside. And I am very sure whenever I see him at the café or along the corridor I smile at him (in fact, I happen to smile to everybody). So I really don’t know what his problem is. Is not that he makes bitchy remarks (oh he aspires to be a she) to me or anything like that but when I do order food from him I will always get lousy food and unfriendly service, whereas a customer before and after me will always get his best smile. Of course I don’t give it much thought, but I became curious today when he was extra nice to me. While choosing the kueh to go with the teh tarik, he asked me in the nicest way possible if I wanted to order anything. And when the cashier wasn’t at the counter, he went out of his way to look for her, so I could pay. Has he realised now that I’m an angel not the devil he mistaken me for, or is he planning something diabolic?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Things Happen For A Reason...
A friend’s baby was admitted to IJN last week for heart complications. She underwent an operation on Friday. She is just three months old. I saw her today. It broke my heart to see baby and mummy. It seems so wrong for a person that small to suffer a great deal.
I pray for her to get better and for mummy to stay strong. I believe babies can feel what their parents are feeling. Mummy, please focus on her to get better and be strong, so baby will be strong and fight for her life.
I pray for her to get better and for mummy to stay strong. I believe babies can feel what their parents are feeling. Mummy, please focus on her to get better and be strong, so baby will be strong and fight for her life.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Panjangnya Rungutan Aku...
Aku ada dua jamuan makan hari ni. Satu kat Serdang (kenduri kahwin adik one of our partners) dan satu lagi birthday party anak kawan sekolah aku di Seri Kembangan. Aku memang mengidam makan kenduri, walaupun tadi nasi tak bertambah, tapi rasa puas betul. Di birthday party tu aku dapat makan kek coklat pisang Power Puff Girls.
Anyway, apa yang nak aku ceritakan bukanlah pasal makan kenduri dan makan kek tu. Tapi apa yang berlaku semasa aku dan Amir pergi dari satu stesen minyak Petronas ke satu stesen minyak Petronas yang lain untuk membeli sampul surat. Biasanya ada sampul duit raya standby dalam kereta, tapi dah habis pulak, so kami meragau mencari sampul surat. Stesen minyak Petronas yang kami pergi hanya menjual sampul surat A4, manakala kedai Seven-Eleven yang kami singgah pula tak ada saiz yang diingini.
Akhirnya kami singgah di kedai runcit seorang uncle di Serdang. Hari kan panas terik hari ini (setelah beberapa hari hujan siang dan malam). Jadi aku teringin nak makan aiskrim dan seperti biasa Amir perlukan diet air manis dia. Masa membayar harga barang yang kami beli (dapat jugak akhirnya sampul surat yang aku nak tu), Uncle cakap “satu hari panas sudah cukup”, maksudnya hari-hari hujan, tapi bila panas, panas betul. Aku automatiknya menjawab ‘Yelah Uncle, panas betul hari ini.”
Hours later, dalam perjalanan balik, aku terfikir, kita ni betullah suka komplen, hujan selalu pun komplen, panas sangat pun tak boleh. Masa hujan, ‘asik hujan je, panas kan bagus”, bila Tuhan dah makbulkan doa kita, kita cakap pulak ‘aduss panasnya, best ni kalau hujan”. Selain daripada komplen, kita ni sebenarnya tak tahu mana satu yang kita nak atau apa yang kita mahukan.
Kita bukan setakat komplen benda yang kita tak boleh ubah (contoh cuaca tadi), tapi benda yang kita boleh ubah pun kita suka bising-bising. Contohnya aku, suka komplen badan gemuk montel, tapi abis komplen, makan bertimbun jugak, exercise malas jugak. Ada pulak komplen duit selalu tak cukup, dan mmg tahu akan tak cukup, tapi bila dicadangkan mereka buat sesuatu untuk memperbaiki keadaan tu, tak nak pulak, dan dan cakap, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Kalau betul ye bersyukur dan pasrah, jangan bising boleh tak? Orang pun tak meluat dengar, aku rasalah.
Dalam keadaan sekarang, yang mana semua barang keperluan melambung naik, memanglah reaksi pertama kita mesti nak komplen, merungut, marah, bengang. Tapi lepas tu apa? Sebab aku rasalah kan, harga barang takan turun kalau kita setakat bising-bising macam tu. Doa pagi petang siang malam, supaya politicians terbukak hati nurani mereka menolong kita? Atau harap ada orang bantu kita BAGI duit lebih? Dah rasa tak logic pulakkan letakkan nasib dan masa depan kita atas tangan orang lain? Tangan sendiri kan ada?
Ha inilah rentetan remark yang uncle kedai runcit tu buat, asalnya kami nak cari sampul surat je.
Panjangkan rungutan aku, dari semalam tak habis-habis. BISINGLAH!!!
Anyway, apa yang nak aku ceritakan bukanlah pasal makan kenduri dan makan kek tu. Tapi apa yang berlaku semasa aku dan Amir pergi dari satu stesen minyak Petronas ke satu stesen minyak Petronas yang lain untuk membeli sampul surat. Biasanya ada sampul duit raya standby dalam kereta, tapi dah habis pulak, so kami meragau mencari sampul surat. Stesen minyak Petronas yang kami pergi hanya menjual sampul surat A4, manakala kedai Seven-Eleven yang kami singgah pula tak ada saiz yang diingini.
Akhirnya kami singgah di kedai runcit seorang uncle di Serdang. Hari kan panas terik hari ini (setelah beberapa hari hujan siang dan malam). Jadi aku teringin nak makan aiskrim dan seperti biasa Amir perlukan diet air manis dia. Masa membayar harga barang yang kami beli (dapat jugak akhirnya sampul surat yang aku nak tu), Uncle cakap “satu hari panas sudah cukup”, maksudnya hari-hari hujan, tapi bila panas, panas betul. Aku automatiknya menjawab ‘Yelah Uncle, panas betul hari ini.”
Hours later, dalam perjalanan balik, aku terfikir, kita ni betullah suka komplen, hujan selalu pun komplen, panas sangat pun tak boleh. Masa hujan, ‘asik hujan je, panas kan bagus”, bila Tuhan dah makbulkan doa kita, kita cakap pulak ‘aduss panasnya, best ni kalau hujan”. Selain daripada komplen, kita ni sebenarnya tak tahu mana satu yang kita nak atau apa yang kita mahukan.
Kita bukan setakat komplen benda yang kita tak boleh ubah (contoh cuaca tadi), tapi benda yang kita boleh ubah pun kita suka bising-bising. Contohnya aku, suka komplen badan gemuk montel, tapi abis komplen, makan bertimbun jugak, exercise malas jugak. Ada pulak komplen duit selalu tak cukup, dan mmg tahu akan tak cukup, tapi bila dicadangkan mereka buat sesuatu untuk memperbaiki keadaan tu, tak nak pulak, dan dan cakap, aku bersyukur dengan apa yang ada. Kalau betul ye bersyukur dan pasrah, jangan bising boleh tak? Orang pun tak meluat dengar, aku rasalah.
Dalam keadaan sekarang, yang mana semua barang keperluan melambung naik, memanglah reaksi pertama kita mesti nak komplen, merungut, marah, bengang. Tapi lepas tu apa? Sebab aku rasalah kan, harga barang takan turun kalau kita setakat bising-bising macam tu. Doa pagi petang siang malam, supaya politicians terbukak hati nurani mereka menolong kita? Atau harap ada orang bantu kita BAGI duit lebih? Dah rasa tak logic pulakkan letakkan nasib dan masa depan kita atas tangan orang lain? Tangan sendiri kan ada?
Ha inilah rentetan remark yang uncle kedai runcit tu buat, asalnya kami nak cari sampul surat je.
Panjangkan rungutan aku, dari semalam tak habis-habis. BISINGLAH!!!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
About Me, Me, Me and More Me
A week ago I fell off from the edge of the world of the living deads, but now I have came back for I still have some unfinished business here. It was an interesting week for me where I had the taste of how it will be when the time comes, which is in mid-July by the way.
But now I’m back to the old routine. It’s okay, I’m not blaming anyone, justifying anything or complaining, which is by the way the three clues for detecting those energy sapping, attention-seeking people who love to play the role of a victim. This new info I gleaned from reading a new book in our list, Secrets of A Millionaire Mind.
After reading the section on the clues, I realised that I have so many friends who are in that category and that I was once like that. So this is what the book says about the ‘woe be me’ species;
“Victims BLAME the economy, they blame the government, they blame the stock market, they blame their broker, they blame their type of business, they blame their employer…they blame their partner, they blame their spouse,..and of course they blame their parents. It’s always someone else or something else to blame. The problem is anything or anyone but them…
Have you ever noticed that complainers usually have a tough life? It seems that everything that could go wrong does go wrong with them. They say “Of course I complain – look how crappy my life is.” And now that you know better, you can explain to them, “No, it’s BECAUSE you complain that your life is so crappy. So shut up…and DON”T stand near me!”…
Plenty of people however, love to hang out and listen to complainers. Why? It’s simple: they’re waiting for their turn! “You think that’s bad? Wait till you hear what happened to me!”
Yes, I was once that despicable. No wonder I haven’t got many friends then. And now that I know better, I’m staying away from these energy-sapping, attention seeking, ‘oh poor me’ people. You should too because life is too short to be complaining. It should be filled with proactive actions to move forward. Easier said than done you say, but we have to start somewhere. So why not start with yourself?
Have a nice day...
But now I’m back to the old routine. It’s okay, I’m not blaming anyone, justifying anything or complaining, which is by the way the three clues for detecting those energy sapping, attention-seeking people who love to play the role of a victim. This new info I gleaned from reading a new book in our list, Secrets of A Millionaire Mind.
After reading the section on the clues, I realised that I have so many friends who are in that category and that I was once like that. So this is what the book says about the ‘woe be me’ species;
“Victims BLAME the economy, they blame the government, they blame the stock market, they blame their broker, they blame their type of business, they blame their employer…they blame their partner, they blame their spouse,..and of course they blame their parents. It’s always someone else or something else to blame. The problem is anything or anyone but them…
Have you ever noticed that complainers usually have a tough life? It seems that everything that could go wrong does go wrong with them. They say “Of course I complain – look how crappy my life is.” And now that you know better, you can explain to them, “No, it’s BECAUSE you complain that your life is so crappy. So shut up…and DON”T stand near me!”…
Plenty of people however, love to hang out and listen to complainers. Why? It’s simple: they’re waiting for their turn! “You think that’s bad? Wait till you hear what happened to me!”
Yes, I was once that despicable. No wonder I haven’t got many friends then. And now that I know better, I’m staying away from these energy-sapping, attention seeking, ‘oh poor me’ people. You should too because life is too short to be complaining. It should be filled with proactive actions to move forward. Easier said than done you say, but we have to start somewhere. So why not start with yourself?
Have a nice day...
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Mentari Bersembunyi Dua Hari Ini...
Apa yang aku rasa, lihat, alami dalam dua hari ni? Aku lihat kesakitan dua orang tua dalam keluarga besar kami, aku rasai kesedihan hati anak-anak, saudara mara aku dan kepasrahan mereka atas apa yang berlaku.
Aku mengalami kejadian yang sukar jugak nak digambarkan dengan kata-kata. Tapi mungkin tak sesusah mana. Cuma aku tak mahu menceritakannya. Bukan kejadian luar biasa, tapi yang tidak biasa aku alami. Bukan kejadian buruk, cuma aku belum tahu lagi apakah mesej yang cuba disampaikan.
Aku melihat dan merasai kegembiraan adik ipar aku dan seorang rakan kami yang melangkah ke fasa baru. Kegembiraan itu menjadi inspirasi kepada kami berdua. Aku juga merasai ketakutan, bukan yang amat sangat, tapi ketakutan yang mengundang persoalan, mampukah kami melakukannya dalam batasan masa yang kami tetapkan sendiri?
Yang paling penting, aku merasai satu rasa bebas yang teramat, rasa ringan seperti satu beban maha berat diangkat daripada bahuku yang mula lenguh dan sengal, setelah aku nekad mengambil keputusan untuk meneruskan perjuangan secara terfokus tanpa rasa bersalah dan gangguan kerja yang menyemakkan fikiran. Itu yang aku rasa dan alami sendiri.
Aku rasa seperti bahasa aku begitu puitis untuk satu cerita yang tidak romantik.
Sting melagukan kekusutan jiwa apabila mentarinya menghilangkan diri...
Aku mengalami kejadian yang sukar jugak nak digambarkan dengan kata-kata. Tapi mungkin tak sesusah mana. Cuma aku tak mahu menceritakannya. Bukan kejadian luar biasa, tapi yang tidak biasa aku alami. Bukan kejadian buruk, cuma aku belum tahu lagi apakah mesej yang cuba disampaikan.
Aku melihat dan merasai kegembiraan adik ipar aku dan seorang rakan kami yang melangkah ke fasa baru. Kegembiraan itu menjadi inspirasi kepada kami berdua. Aku juga merasai ketakutan, bukan yang amat sangat, tapi ketakutan yang mengundang persoalan, mampukah kami melakukannya dalam batasan masa yang kami tetapkan sendiri?
Yang paling penting, aku merasai satu rasa bebas yang teramat, rasa ringan seperti satu beban maha berat diangkat daripada bahuku yang mula lenguh dan sengal, setelah aku nekad mengambil keputusan untuk meneruskan perjuangan secara terfokus tanpa rasa bersalah dan gangguan kerja yang menyemakkan fikiran. Itu yang aku rasa dan alami sendiri.
Aku rasa seperti bahasa aku begitu puitis untuk satu cerita yang tidak romantik.
Sting melagukan kekusutan jiwa apabila mentarinya menghilangkan diri...
Saturday, April 05, 2008
The Grateful Entry...
Finally, I’ve come to the decision. After much mulling (exactly a year), I have come to this. A beloved friend was the first to know. She is all for it. Ought to teach ‘her’ a lesson, she said.
I was scared even to think about it at first. But the more I spent time with these wonderful people, the more I was forced to think about it. I can’t find that satisfaction anymore and the frustration with the situation, with ‘her’ and with the incompetent ‘babies’ (who want to conquer the world), are vented on the people I loved most. Is not fair, isn’t it?
The fact that Sofea, Azrul and Sham (to name a few) had made the leap to take charge of their lives, sealed the deal I was trying to make with myself. I feel lighter and more energised now. It’s a great feeling to be able to do the one thing you fear. I know this is life changing for me, changing for the better.
As much as I’m doing this for myself, my family and those who has put their trust on me, are the propeller of this decision. I know I have to inspire them to look for a better future. So I start with myself. I know it will trigger a massive change in them.
Seeing how these people take the risk and embrace the Just Do It attitude fills me so much admiration for their courage. For a person like me, who has nothing more to lose, it’s a no-brainer. I know I deserve a life way better than this. I also know, to attain a life of greatness, sacrifices have to be made.
When the first ‘idea’ came to me, I had so many doubts. I pushed it to the back of my mind and forced it to stay there for some time. A few weeks ago, the window of thoughts opened again, triggered by the book I’m reading now, “If Success Is A Game, These Are The Rules”. There’s one chapter in the book about self-truth and how to uncover your essential self and your purpose in life.
Most of us are too caught up in the race that we forget the reasons we do things. Many of us are just too poor, thus disabling us to even think of the whys. We’re more interested in surviving the days, the months, and the years.
Reading about that jolted me somehow. Now, I’m really back to reality. The reality is, not the current stagnant working life that we face, but the fact that we have the power to choose the life we want to live. Yes, that’s our real reality.
I’m thankful to Allah, for giving me the conviction that I can do this. I’m thankful to the people I’ve met, who have helped me to re-identify my essential self and my purpose. I’m also thankful to the people who have no trust in me, because without you, I will not be able to come to this decision.
I was scared even to think about it at first. But the more I spent time with these wonderful people, the more I was forced to think about it. I can’t find that satisfaction anymore and the frustration with the situation, with ‘her’ and with the incompetent ‘babies’ (who want to conquer the world), are vented on the people I loved most. Is not fair, isn’t it?
The fact that Sofea, Azrul and Sham (to name a few) had made the leap to take charge of their lives, sealed the deal I was trying to make with myself. I feel lighter and more energised now. It’s a great feeling to be able to do the one thing you fear. I know this is life changing for me, changing for the better.
As much as I’m doing this for myself, my family and those who has put their trust on me, are the propeller of this decision. I know I have to inspire them to look for a better future. So I start with myself. I know it will trigger a massive change in them.
Seeing how these people take the risk and embrace the Just Do It attitude fills me so much admiration for their courage. For a person like me, who has nothing more to lose, it’s a no-brainer. I know I deserve a life way better than this. I also know, to attain a life of greatness, sacrifices have to be made.
When the first ‘idea’ came to me, I had so many doubts. I pushed it to the back of my mind and forced it to stay there for some time. A few weeks ago, the window of thoughts opened again, triggered by the book I’m reading now, “If Success Is A Game, These Are The Rules”. There’s one chapter in the book about self-truth and how to uncover your essential self and your purpose in life.
Most of us are too caught up in the race that we forget the reasons we do things. Many of us are just too poor, thus disabling us to even think of the whys. We’re more interested in surviving the days, the months, and the years.
Reading about that jolted me somehow. Now, I’m really back to reality. The reality is, not the current stagnant working life that we face, but the fact that we have the power to choose the life we want to live. Yes, that’s our real reality.
I’m thankful to Allah, for giving me the conviction that I can do this. I’m thankful to the people I’ve met, who have helped me to re-identify my essential self and my purpose. I’m also thankful to the people who have no trust in me, because without you, I will not be able to come to this decision.
The moment I let go of it was The moment I got more than I could handle The moment I jumped off of it was The moment I touched down How about no longer being masochistic How about remembering your divinity How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out How about not equating death with stopping Thank you India Thank you providence Thank you disillusionment Thank you nothingness Thank you clarity Thank you thank you silence
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
What Is It To You?
What is success to you? It is subjective isn’t it? No one definition can really explain the meaning of success because to each is different. To a standard one pupil, success could mean getting a bicycle after months of pleading and brooding. To a teenager it could mean getting a date with the most popular boy/girl in school, while to a salaried worker success could mean getting a promotion after 20 years working in the company.
To a person who has been working for the same company for eight years and who desires to have her own tuition centre, success to me is about resigning my current job and do my business, full time and the money I generate from this business, will be used to open my own tuition centre. However, it doesn’t mean I’m not a successful person by my own right.
I’ve had many successes in life that I’m very proud of. When I was still in school I dreamt of being a university student, carrying thick books around, attending lectures, having educated discussions with my course mates and taking pictures after my convocation with my parents and family. I actually had those vivid images in my mind. I’ve succeeded.
Being a person on the heavy side, I had the desire to look tall and thin and confident during my convocation. I imagined myself working out at the gym, sweating it out and getting the results I wanted. I imagined looking fit and healthy and happy on that special day. I’ve done that (and managed to keep the fat off for some years, but came back to my heavier self now), but hey I’ve done that and it’s not impossible to do it again.
I dreamt of having a career that allows me to meet people (though I started out to be a kera sumbang), so I could learn to be comfortable around people, a career that allows me to have a good life on my own, without having to rely much on others. I had this visual of me, looking splendid, confident with satisfied look on my face, driving my own car that I bought with my own money. I’ve achieved that.
Now I have these images of me and my significant other, with two children in a 21/2 bungalow (hehhe I just saw the house yesterday), with a nice little fountain, a spacious living quarters, lined with floor to ceiling bookcases filled with books of all kinds, living our life happily as a family should be. I have these images of us running our own business, going on travels with our immediate family, lending a helping hand to those in need (especially underprivileged children) and being satisfied and being grateful at the same time. I dream of a life of abundance of happiness, health and lessons to be learnt each day by my children so that they grow up to be a responsible persons to their own lives and others. These visualisations haven’t been manifested yet, but by experience, I know they will be. The power to make it happen is in my hands.
You see, it doesn’t matter if you are making waves around the world for constructing the tallest building in the world, or have just broke the world’s record in being the longest person who can hold his breath underwater, or finally breaking your habit of snacking at night, because when you feel satisfaction in the things you do to achieve those, then it’s your success. We are focussing too much on the many great achievements by people around the world, that we forget to look at our own achievements in life.
Each time you feel the blues, when you’re not where you wanted to be in life, just remember to look back to those day dreaming days when you dreamt of things you wanted to do, see or experience. I’m sure you will find something that will bring the smile back on your face. You’re your greatest motivator. Allah is Great, He made us the way we are so we will always be the most successful person in our mind’s eye. We just have to believe that we’re His most precious creation and take the effort to manifest the images of success we’ve been having for so long now. It’s worth all the blood, sweat and tears.
To a person who has been working for the same company for eight years and who desires to have her own tuition centre, success to me is about resigning my current job and do my business, full time and the money I generate from this business, will be used to open my own tuition centre. However, it doesn’t mean I’m not a successful person by my own right.
I’ve had many successes in life that I’m very proud of. When I was still in school I dreamt of being a university student, carrying thick books around, attending lectures, having educated discussions with my course mates and taking pictures after my convocation with my parents and family. I actually had those vivid images in my mind. I’ve succeeded.
Being a person on the heavy side, I had the desire to look tall and thin and confident during my convocation. I imagined myself working out at the gym, sweating it out and getting the results I wanted. I imagined looking fit and healthy and happy on that special day. I’ve done that (and managed to keep the fat off for some years, but came back to my heavier self now), but hey I’ve done that and it’s not impossible to do it again.
I dreamt of having a career that allows me to meet people (though I started out to be a kera sumbang), so I could learn to be comfortable around people, a career that allows me to have a good life on my own, without having to rely much on others. I had this visual of me, looking splendid, confident with satisfied look on my face, driving my own car that I bought with my own money. I’ve achieved that.
Now I have these images of me and my significant other, with two children in a 21/2 bungalow (hehhe I just saw the house yesterday), with a nice little fountain, a spacious living quarters, lined with floor to ceiling bookcases filled with books of all kinds, living our life happily as a family should be. I have these images of us running our own business, going on travels with our immediate family, lending a helping hand to those in need (especially underprivileged children) and being satisfied and being grateful at the same time. I dream of a life of abundance of happiness, health and lessons to be learnt each day by my children so that they grow up to be a responsible persons to their own lives and others. These visualisations haven’t been manifested yet, but by experience, I know they will be. The power to make it happen is in my hands.
You see, it doesn’t matter if you are making waves around the world for constructing the tallest building in the world, or have just broke the world’s record in being the longest person who can hold his breath underwater, or finally breaking your habit of snacking at night, because when you feel satisfaction in the things you do to achieve those, then it’s your success. We are focussing too much on the many great achievements by people around the world, that we forget to look at our own achievements in life.
Each time you feel the blues, when you’re not where you wanted to be in life, just remember to look back to those day dreaming days when you dreamt of things you wanted to do, see or experience. I’m sure you will find something that will bring the smile back on your face. You’re your greatest motivator. Allah is Great, He made us the way we are so we will always be the most successful person in our mind’s eye. We just have to believe that we’re His most precious creation and take the effort to manifest the images of success we’ve been having for so long now. It’s worth all the blood, sweat and tears.
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