Kepala yang dihantukkan ke dinding akhirnya terbelah. Darah keluar membuak-buak. Kepala bercantum selepas penyakit yang membuatkan kepala berdenyut-denyut sakit keluar bersama-sama darah tadi. Hidup seperti biasa.
Bagus betul kalau dapat ubat sakit kepala yang menyeksakan macam tu. Tak perlu lagi beli pain killer banyak-banyak, ditelan banyak-banyak, sampai tidur banyak-banyak hari.
Bagus juga kalau dapat menghapuskan sebarang kesakitan, kehampaan, kekecewaan, kesengsaraan, juga melenyapkan visual atau punca sakit mata dan sakit telinga menggunakan method seperti itu. Untuk menghapuskan apa sahaja ‘sakit’ yang dialami, kita kenakan tindakan fizikal yang keputusannya, punca tadi dapat dilenyapkan.
Kalau sakit gigi, ubatnya dicabut gigi yang menyebabkan sakit itu. Kalau sakit mata biasa, dibuang mata yang sakit itu, manakala sakit mata rohaniah, marilah hapuskan punca kesakitan itu dengan menembak, memukul, menikam, atau apa sahaja asalkan puncanya tiada lagi di depan mata.
Kalau sakit telinga, sama juga caranya. Tengoklah, apabila sakit kepala berdenyut-denyut itu menyerang, aku berfikir perkara yang ekstrem dan membuat perkara yang ekstrem. Dalam kepala teringin sangat mencabut kepala manusia di sebelah aku ni yang asyik memutarkan lagu yang sama sejak aku mula masuk tadi. Macam cabut kepala sotong. Lepas tu, campakkan badan tanpa kepala tu di empat dinding di sini. Mungkin baru puas hati.
Atau aku boleh tidur di depan PC, tanpa memperdulikan orang sekitar. Masalahnya pulak lampu terang kat sini. Padamkan semua lampu dan tidur. Kalaulah office ni bapak aku yang punya, alangkah bagusnya menyalahgunakan kuasa. Kebal dan berkuasa. Macam manalah rasanya eh, menyalahgunakan kuasa? Kena interview politicians, aspiring politicians dan kerabat-kerabat dorang jugak ni.
Aduhhh, kepala aku!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
It Hit Me Too...
Aiyaaa. OK. Don’t feel insulted because that was not the intention. But sometimes, we will only think thoroughly about something when it hits us right in our faces. That’s exactly what happened to me recently.
There was a confusion regarding the electricity bill. One day I woke up, feeling very warm and saw that the pillow was moist with my sweat. The air cond was off, which was weird because Amir would never turn it off when I’m still sleeping.
I checked the fan. It wouldn’t turn on. Went downstairs and checked the TV. Aiyohh, a black out on the day I planned to stay home and finish watching Criminal Minds. But then I thought, the power would come back on in an hour or so. Which it didn’t.
What would a home alone, car-less (Amir took the car to the training), sweating all over pregnant woman do on a day like that? I slept most of the day away. What else could I do? And of course, I did a little of thinking, about the future mostly. Now I know that whatever I do at the present will determine what my life will be in the future, but I never really did think about that through.
I know Amir is at his wits ends of what to do about me. He’s working hard to keep our momentum going in the business but I’m not doing my part to help him. My poor husband has to put up with episodes of flare-ups for many months now.
The time alone, without electricity at home, the other day, really put things in perspective. I want so many things in life for my family, for the baby, but the efforts do not exactly match. That’s crazy isn’t it? I need to do something fast, I told myself. I need to buck up. I need to stop playing the I’m pregnant-so-I-deserve-to-take-time-off game. I need to think less of me and more of us. I need to apologise to that genius husband of mine.
He really is a genius. Sheesh I’ve just realised I’m married to a real profiler. But then that’s another story.
Now, I need to devise a plan.
There was a confusion regarding the electricity bill. One day I woke up, feeling very warm and saw that the pillow was moist with my sweat. The air cond was off, which was weird because Amir would never turn it off when I’m still sleeping.
I checked the fan. It wouldn’t turn on. Went downstairs and checked the TV. Aiyohh, a black out on the day I planned to stay home and finish watching Criminal Minds. But then I thought, the power would come back on in an hour or so. Which it didn’t.
What would a home alone, car-less (Amir took the car to the training), sweating all over pregnant woman do on a day like that? I slept most of the day away. What else could I do? And of course, I did a little of thinking, about the future mostly. Now I know that whatever I do at the present will determine what my life will be in the future, but I never really did think about that through.
I know Amir is at his wits ends of what to do about me. He’s working hard to keep our momentum going in the business but I’m not doing my part to help him. My poor husband has to put up with episodes of flare-ups for many months now.
The time alone, without electricity at home, the other day, really put things in perspective. I want so many things in life for my family, for the baby, but the efforts do not exactly match. That’s crazy isn’t it? I need to do something fast, I told myself. I need to buck up. I need to stop playing the I’m pregnant-so-I-deserve-to-take-time-off game. I need to think less of me and more of us. I need to apologise to that genius husband of mine.
He really is a genius. Sheesh I’ve just realised I’m married to a real profiler. But then that’s another story.
Now, I need to devise a plan.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Thank God I'm Leaving...
Wisma Putra is having difficulties in finding the right candidates for the 300 or more vacancies in the ministry. This problem occurs almost everywhere nowadays. Employers are just not satisfied with the candidates to fill the positions in their companies. I share Syed Nadzri’s sentiment that our education system is the culprit in breeding mediocrity.
It’s sad to see how some graduates of Mass Communications having problems with connecting with people. How some of them feel easily intimidated in new environments, lacking the initiatives to advance in work situations, giving in to low self confidence. Some even purposely looking for jobs that don’t need them to run around meeting people, minimising contacts with the outside world.
Seeing this happening at work, really frustrate and angered me somehow. What happen to these poor souls in the varsities? Were they really learning or merely going with the flow until they get the certificates? Did they just buried themselves in books, burning the midnight oil, not making any effort to learn in social environments on or off campus?
Instead of embracing challenges, the things they learn at the varsities, turn them into a bunch of lazy cowards. I wonder if they learn anything at all. And by learning I don’t mean memorising from textbooks and lecture notes and then purging them verbatim on the examination sheets.
You tell me.
It’s sad to see how some graduates of Mass Communications having problems with connecting with people. How some of them feel easily intimidated in new environments, lacking the initiatives to advance in work situations, giving in to low self confidence. Some even purposely looking for jobs that don’t need them to run around meeting people, minimising contacts with the outside world.
Seeing this happening at work, really frustrate and angered me somehow. What happen to these poor souls in the varsities? Were they really learning or merely going with the flow until they get the certificates? Did they just buried themselves in books, burning the midnight oil, not making any effort to learn in social environments on or off campus?
Instead of embracing challenges, the things they learn at the varsities, turn them into a bunch of lazy cowards. I wonder if they learn anything at all. And by learning I don’t mean memorising from textbooks and lecture notes and then purging them verbatim on the examination sheets.
You tell me.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Thank You For Your Time
1. Allow people to get off from the elevator/train before rushing in.
2. Shake hands when introduced to someone, some may have reservations in hand shaking, a nod with a big smile will do.
3. Never cut queues, even though you can’t hold it any longer (you can always look for the toilet first)
4. Never cut queues just because you want to be at work on time.
5. Do not spend more than 5 minutes at the ATM machine, especially when the queue is long.
6. Do not change channels or turn off the office TV when there are people watching, just because you have finished your shift.
7. Turn off your phones when in movie theatres, conferences, meetings, seminars, or at the very least put your phones in silent mode but NEVER attempt to answer any calls inside the halls.
There are a lot more of these simple courtesies. The one I have mentioned here are the most violated, everywhere I go.
2. Shake hands when introduced to someone, some may have reservations in hand shaking, a nod with a big smile will do.
3. Never cut queues, even though you can’t hold it any longer (you can always look for the toilet first)
4. Never cut queues just because you want to be at work on time.
5. Do not spend more than 5 minutes at the ATM machine, especially when the queue is long.
6. Do not change channels or turn off the office TV when there are people watching, just because you have finished your shift.
7. Turn off your phones when in movie theatres, conferences, meetings, seminars, or at the very least put your phones in silent mode but NEVER attempt to answer any calls inside the halls.
There are a lot more of these simple courtesies. The one I have mentioned here are the most violated, everywhere I go.
Monday, May 05, 2008
Menang Loteri Ke?
Aku ada sedikit pengalaman dengan nombor ekor. Aku tak main, tapi orang lain yang aku kenal ada juga main. Masa kecik-kecik dulu, aku tak tahu pulak nombor ekor dikelaskan sebagai judi.
Masa aku kecik, sampailah tadi aku tak tahu ada orang boleh menang duit nombor ekor ni sampai berjuta-juta. Aku tahu ada orang menang loteri di luar negara sana tu, sebab dilaporkan dalam akhbar. Rasanya di Malaysia ni, tak der digembar-gemburkan pun. Maklumlah kelasnya adalah judi.
Tadi masa makan tengah hari di kedai kakak orang Negeri Sembilan yang lauk-pauknya amatlah kena dengan selera aku seperti masak lemak cili api, terung sambal, ikan goreng, sambal belacan dan kuah lode, ada seorang pengawal keselamatan di kedai nombor ekor menceritakan tentang seorang pemain nombor ekor yang menang sebanyak RM19 juta. Rasa macam nak terkeluar anak tekak aku dengar. Gila babi banyak tu.
Pada aku, menang nombor ekor sebanyak RM35k pun dah banyak nak mampus., inikan RM19 juta. Tapi Amir ada tanya pakcik tu, ‘Kau rasa sebulan lepas tu, duit RM19 juta ada lagi tak pada dia?”. Pakcik kata “Kalau Cina, aku percaya, sebab mungkin dia buat rumah ke apa ke, kalau Melayu, aku tak rasa ada lagi.” Itu bukan jawapan aku, tapi jawapan pakcik.
Pada aku, tak kira bangsa lah, Melayu, Cina, India, Mat Salleh, kalau tak da kebijaksanaan pengurusan wang, duit RM19juta tu boleh jadi RM19 dalam masa sebulan dua. Apabila orang yang menang tu memang tak sangka dia akan menang dan memang selama ni tak pernah pegang duit lebih RM5k pada satu-satu masa, confirm sebulan lepas tu dia akan kembali pada keadaan pra-menang loteri.
Tengok orang-orang Felda yang jadi jutawan mee segera mamee. Memang segera lah kan, sekejapan duit habis. Beli kereta, memang priority, bukan sebijik, tapi 2,3 bijik. Memang bijaksana sangatlah tu. Melabur skim tah hapa-hapa, jatuh tempat kedua. Beli barang-barang kemas, tempat ketiga. Ada tak yang terpikir nak buat plastic surgery? Maybe not, hanya bini ahli politik je kot yang suka buat plastic surgery, sampai koma-koma la.
Nombor ekor ni dah jadi sebati dengan budaya orang kita. Ada yang main suka-suka (biasanya jenis ni dah banyak duit), tapi ramai yang main sebab nak duit banyak tapi nak duduk-duduk saja, hujung-hujung dapat duit selepuk. Pemalas macam babi. Babi lagi rajin. Kesian pulak aku rasa babi tu.
Emosi tinggi pulak hujung-hujung ni.
Masa aku kecik, sampailah tadi aku tak tahu ada orang boleh menang duit nombor ekor ni sampai berjuta-juta. Aku tahu ada orang menang loteri di luar negara sana tu, sebab dilaporkan dalam akhbar. Rasanya di Malaysia ni, tak der digembar-gemburkan pun. Maklumlah kelasnya adalah judi.
Tadi masa makan tengah hari di kedai kakak orang Negeri Sembilan yang lauk-pauknya amatlah kena dengan selera aku seperti masak lemak cili api, terung sambal, ikan goreng, sambal belacan dan kuah lode, ada seorang pengawal keselamatan di kedai nombor ekor menceritakan tentang seorang pemain nombor ekor yang menang sebanyak RM19 juta. Rasa macam nak terkeluar anak tekak aku dengar. Gila babi banyak tu.
Pada aku, menang nombor ekor sebanyak RM35k pun dah banyak nak mampus., inikan RM19 juta. Tapi Amir ada tanya pakcik tu, ‘Kau rasa sebulan lepas tu, duit RM19 juta ada lagi tak pada dia?”. Pakcik kata “Kalau Cina, aku percaya, sebab mungkin dia buat rumah ke apa ke, kalau Melayu, aku tak rasa ada lagi.” Itu bukan jawapan aku, tapi jawapan pakcik.
Pada aku, tak kira bangsa lah, Melayu, Cina, India, Mat Salleh, kalau tak da kebijaksanaan pengurusan wang, duit RM19juta tu boleh jadi RM19 dalam masa sebulan dua. Apabila orang yang menang tu memang tak sangka dia akan menang dan memang selama ni tak pernah pegang duit lebih RM5k pada satu-satu masa, confirm sebulan lepas tu dia akan kembali pada keadaan pra-menang loteri.
Tengok orang-orang Felda yang jadi jutawan mee segera mamee. Memang segera lah kan, sekejapan duit habis. Beli kereta, memang priority, bukan sebijik, tapi 2,3 bijik. Memang bijaksana sangatlah tu. Melabur skim tah hapa-hapa, jatuh tempat kedua. Beli barang-barang kemas, tempat ketiga. Ada tak yang terpikir nak buat plastic surgery? Maybe not, hanya bini ahli politik je kot yang suka buat plastic surgery, sampai koma-koma la.
Nombor ekor ni dah jadi sebati dengan budaya orang kita. Ada yang main suka-suka (biasanya jenis ni dah banyak duit), tapi ramai yang main sebab nak duit banyak tapi nak duduk-duduk saja, hujung-hujung dapat duit selepuk. Pemalas macam babi. Babi lagi rajin. Kesian pulak aku rasa babi tu.
Emosi tinggi pulak hujung-hujung ni.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
The profiler
I am diligently watching Criminal Minds seasons 1-3. Thanks to Sedi I am now looking forward to my nights at home. That is one show that kind of stuck to me even after the episodes end.
All my life, I’ve always been fascinated by crime stories, real or fiction. I should say the same goes to ghost stories but this fascination has to be put on hold for now. I love Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie on paper or on TV, Murder She Wrote is my all time favourite, and now it’s CSI, NCIS, and Without A Trace. Midsommer Murders is fun when I run out of programmes to watch, but I do love the village where it’s being filmed.
Now, maybe I should be a criminalist or a writer who writes about fictional crimes based on real evidence or a profiler like the Behavioural Analysis Unit team in Criminal Minds. Or be like Jane Doe, whose interest lies in solving puzzles and who is also a secret agent.
I wish I had the skill like Jason Gideon. At a glance it’s almost like he can read people’s mind. They don’t teach that in universities here, do they? No. I don’t think so. Anything that has to do with enhancing one’s mind is considered disruptive here.
I’m adding ‘To learn profiling skill’ as another one of my target.
All my life, I’ve always been fascinated by crime stories, real or fiction. I should say the same goes to ghost stories but this fascination has to be put on hold for now. I love Sherlock Holmes and Agatha Christie on paper or on TV, Murder She Wrote is my all time favourite, and now it’s CSI, NCIS, and Without A Trace. Midsommer Murders is fun when I run out of programmes to watch, but I do love the village where it’s being filmed.
Now, maybe I should be a criminalist or a writer who writes about fictional crimes based on real evidence or a profiler like the Behavioural Analysis Unit team in Criminal Minds. Or be like Jane Doe, whose interest lies in solving puzzles and who is also a secret agent.
I wish I had the skill like Jason Gideon. At a glance it’s almost like he can read people’s mind. They don’t teach that in universities here, do they? No. I don’t think so. Anything that has to do with enhancing one’s mind is considered disruptive here.
I’m adding ‘To learn profiling skill’ as another one of my target.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
What Is It That You Want?
1.
Jodoh pertemuan, hidup dan mati di tangan Allah. I was reminded of this when a friend came to see me about a ‘problem’ of hers. She is in a dilemma of choosing between guy A or guy B.
Upon further probing, it turned out it’s not a dilemma at all. Apparently she does not have ‘that’ feeling anymore for the guys, is just that she has known both guys for about three years now and guy B has asked her many times on many occasions whether she loves him or not, whereas guy B is, according to what she told me, indifferent.
I think I know why she thinks this is a big dilemma, and trust me I understand her. But this age and time, we can always ask those busy bodies to go fly kites in hell. My advice to her was to work on her business and not think too much of the so called dilemma. I also told her to be really specific on what she wants in everything (including men) and read the Yassin every night and ask for what her heart desires. (The Yassin advice was given to me by a good friend of mine years ago and today I passed it on to another good friend)
Babe I pray that everything works out for you.
2.
I would like to think I have a nice disposition and that people do not feel threatened or intimidated by me or take an instant dislike the moment they see me. But this cook at the office café is a challenge to that thought. I know I didn’t do anything that makes him angry because I rarely order anything from him. For lunch I usually take nasi campur and I take my dinner outside. And I am very sure whenever I see him at the café or along the corridor I smile at him (in fact, I happen to smile to everybody). So I really don’t know what his problem is. Is not that he makes bitchy remarks (oh he aspires to be a she) to me or anything like that but when I do order food from him I will always get lousy food and unfriendly service, whereas a customer before and after me will always get his best smile. Of course I don’t give it much thought, but I became curious today when he was extra nice to me. While choosing the kueh to go with the teh tarik, he asked me in the nicest way possible if I wanted to order anything. And when the cashier wasn’t at the counter, he went out of his way to look for her, so I could pay. Has he realised now that I’m an angel not the devil he mistaken me for, or is he planning something diabolic?
Jodoh pertemuan, hidup dan mati di tangan Allah. I was reminded of this when a friend came to see me about a ‘problem’ of hers. She is in a dilemma of choosing between guy A or guy B.
Upon further probing, it turned out it’s not a dilemma at all. Apparently she does not have ‘that’ feeling anymore for the guys, is just that she has known both guys for about three years now and guy B has asked her many times on many occasions whether she loves him or not, whereas guy B is, according to what she told me, indifferent.
I think I know why she thinks this is a big dilemma, and trust me I understand her. But this age and time, we can always ask those busy bodies to go fly kites in hell. My advice to her was to work on her business and not think too much of the so called dilemma. I also told her to be really specific on what she wants in everything (including men) and read the Yassin every night and ask for what her heart desires. (The Yassin advice was given to me by a good friend of mine years ago and today I passed it on to another good friend)
Babe I pray that everything works out for you.
2.
I would like to think I have a nice disposition and that people do not feel threatened or intimidated by me or take an instant dislike the moment they see me. But this cook at the office café is a challenge to that thought. I know I didn’t do anything that makes him angry because I rarely order anything from him. For lunch I usually take nasi campur and I take my dinner outside. And I am very sure whenever I see him at the café or along the corridor I smile at him (in fact, I happen to smile to everybody). So I really don’t know what his problem is. Is not that he makes bitchy remarks (oh he aspires to be a she) to me or anything like that but when I do order food from him I will always get lousy food and unfriendly service, whereas a customer before and after me will always get his best smile. Of course I don’t give it much thought, but I became curious today when he was extra nice to me. While choosing the kueh to go with the teh tarik, he asked me in the nicest way possible if I wanted to order anything. And when the cashier wasn’t at the counter, he went out of his way to look for her, so I could pay. Has he realised now that I’m an angel not the devil he mistaken me for, or is he planning something diabolic?
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